


Damn You, Steve Rogers

by Thorfanficwriter



Series: Worth The Tears [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Romance, Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Spoilers, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Bearded Steve Rogers, Break Up, Breaking Up & Making Up, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Relationship Issues, Return, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Sex, Steve Rogers Has Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2020-07-09 10:47:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 23,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19886335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thorfanficwriter/pseuds/Thorfanficwriter
Summary: After months of resisting, you finally start dating Steve Rogers. Unfortunately, having a relationship with America's Greatest Hero is not quite what you imagined. Will this be the best thing that's ever happened to you, or the worse mistake of your life?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Thor: Thunderstruck (Part I)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16550126) by [Thorfanficwriter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thorfanficwriter/pseuds/Thorfanficwriter). 



> This work is to be read on AO3 only. Please do not use any of the many available reader apps, ESPECIALLY THOSE MAKING MONEY VIA ADS OR PAID PREMIUMS. These apps are making money off the hard work of content creators who get zero compensation. Additionally, these apps reformat the works without permission which I feel infringes on our rights as creators. I hope you will support me and other artists in continuing to uphold the principles and spirit of bringing you the free fanwork you enjoy.

"I hear Cap's in the building."

She looked up from behind the monitor on the desk to face the small, blonde twenty-something ex-S.H.I.E.L.D. accountant smirking at her. Everyone in the Administration Office knew that Steve Rogers had been trying to get Y/N to go out with him for months. 

"Thanks for the warning,” she answered. Waiting for her co-worker to stroll out of sight, Y/N rummaged through her desk drawer. Finding a small mirror, she un-clipped her hair and smoothed it into acceptable shape. Next, she unbuttoned her blouse one more notch and peeled off the bosom-minimizing black knit cardigan. It would have to do. 

As soon as she had started working at the high-rise a year ago, staff gossipers (basically, everyone) told her about Cap's proclivity. He had slept his way through the entire directory of S.H.I.E.L.D. female employees and it seemed Avenger Tower was next. Race, marital status, weight, age; he hadn’t discriminated. Rumor was, there were seventy years to make up for and an excess of Super Soldier-enhanced testosterone to appease. As long as they had been willing, so had he. 

It was almost six months before she got to meet The Star-Spangled Man With A Plan. About a month later, he began asking for dates the few times he visited. She had consistently resisted his charms. The rumors always outweighed any curiosity on her part. Hell, there was always another girl in line, jumping at the chance, right? She had no desire to be just another name on the list. But she hadn't heard of anyone going out with him since S.H.I.E.L.D.'s downfall, and the last time he came calling, Y/N almost caved. Not to mention his looking like the walking embodiment of Adonis, she been unattached for quite a while and regardless of Steve’s past indiscretions, he did seem like a nice, considerate guy. Maybe things had changed. 

While she was reflecting on those thoughts, another, considerably larger, figure loomed before her on the other side of the desk. 

"Good morning, Y/N." She was busy sorting through a small stack of manila folders and stopped, bringing her y/c eyes to meet his. Looking at her pretty face always made Steve feel like a pubescent teen again, butterflies and all. 

"Good morning, Steve," she smiled in return. There he stood. The infamous Steven Grant Rogers in all his fresh-faced, blond-haired, blue-eyed, chiseled-muscles glory shining down at her with a sunny smile. "Nice to have you back in town." 

"Well, you'll be seeing more of me. I'll be staying while I look for a new place." 

"Oh? You moving to the city?" 

"Back home...Brooklyn." 

Y/N saw some receipts in his hand and said, "I'm guessing you're not here just to socialize," reaching out for them. 

"I'm turning in my expenses. Sorry, they're late. I got a little behind." 

"It doesn't look so little from here," she mumbled. 

The enhanced hearing picked up what was said, but he could hardly believe his ears. "Pardon?" He blushed. 

"I said, 'Not a big deal.' We'll process them asap." 

"You always take good care of me," he answered with another grin. 

"Flattery will get you everywhere, Steve." 

"It hasn't seemed to have gotten me anywhere so far.” Given the multiple times she’d shot him down, he wasn’t sure what gave him the confidence to keep asking, but his mouth had always had a bad habit of firing off without warning. “When are you going to let me take you out, Y/N?" 

The chase had worn out it's fun. Her chance had come again and who knew if it might be the last. "I'm free tonight." 

Cap's eyes widened having expected to be turned down again. "Really? When do you get off work?" This time, he was not going to give her opportunity to backtrack. 

"Five o'clock." 

"Would you like me to pick you up here?" 

"No." She wrote down the address to her apartment near Riverside Park on a Post-It note and waved it in front of his face. "I want to go home and change first. But I get to pick the place." He agreed and grabbed for the note, but she snatched it back. "And no fondue," she warned him. 

"Fine by me. I'm not a big fan anyway," he replied, giving her an odd sort of look which she returned. She handed him the note. "What should I wear," he asked. 

"Actually, what you're wearing is fine." 

"Jeans and a t-shirt?" 

"It'll be fine. Trust me." 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Reader's first date.

Cap showed up to the apartment a few minutes early. When she opened the door, he was beaming and holding flowers. Surprised by the gesture, she said, "Thank you. These are unexpected. How nice." After inviting him in, she went to the kitchen to find a vase. 

"A beautiful lady deserves beautiful things." 

"Don't do that." 

"What?" 

"Put on the charm." 

_Great Rogers, you haven’t even been here two minutes and she’s already wondering if she’s made a mistake._ "I'm being completely sincere,” he protested. He made show of casually checking out her apartment and an attempt at nonchalance that failed. "I’m sure guys have told you what a knockout you are." 

Trying to control the sudden heat that rose to her cheeks, she answered, "They haven't, actually. Um, thanks." Without even meaning to, he had turned the tables and she felt awkward. As soon as the contained bouquet was set on the kitchen table, she grabbed her jacket by the door. His hand reached out for it which gave her pause, not understanding until he gently pried it from her. Steve helped her put it on then held the door as they both walked out. 

When she settled into the sporty, red Mustang he was driving, she said, "Wow. This is sweet." 

"It is," he agreed, "but it's not mine. Tony covers rentals for me when I'm in town. He says I need to indulge a little. So, where to, milady?" 

"Do you know where Triangle Lanes is?" 

"The bowling alley?" After she nodded, he offered, "I'm happy to take you anywhere. You sure you want to go bowling?" 

"Yup." 

"Most gals want to be wined and dined." 

"Lesson number one: I am not most gals." 

Cap laughed, taking off. "Your wish is my command." 

The two made small talk on the way, mostly about work. At the bowling alley, after renting shoes and a lane, they readied themselves for the game. Cap found a fifteen-pound ball while she could barely manage a puny eight. 

He asked, "You're not going to show me up, are you? You're not some ex-pro out to totally embarrass me?" 

"Naw. I totally suck," she giggled. 

With a sweep of his arm, he said, "In that case, ladies first." 

True to word, Y/N's throws were atrocious. Every one of her first few wound up in the gutter. Turning around after a particularly bad shot, she caught him covering his mouth trying to hide a laugh. 

She chuckled, "It's alright. I know I can't bowl worth shit." 

He dropped his hand, leaned back and unleashed a loud guffaw. Clutching his middle, he agreed, "No. No, you can't." Tears were starting out of his eyes. Really, she didn’t find it nearly as funny as he did, but seeing Steve in such a state made her laugh even harder. Finally, he settled down and said, "I'm going to get a beer. Want one?" 

"Lemonade, please." 

"One lemonade coming up." 

When he returned, he stood directly in front of her, handing over the soft drink. In the need to look up to face him, she fully understood how very big and brawny he was. The power that radiated off of him almost made her swoon like Scarlett O'Hara. Then he took a swig from his bottle. Watching his Adam's apple work up and down as he swallowed suddenly became the manliest gesture she'd ever seen. She started to wonder if the Super Serum enhanced the pheromones he gave off. 

"I believe it's your turn," Y/N managed to squeak out. He bowled another strike, the pins almost exploding on impact. "You might want to dial it down a bit, there, big guy. I don't think Tony wants to buy a bowling alley." 

"Trying to level the playing field?" 

"Yes. I waited until the last frame to unleash my evil plot." 

"Do you want me to give you a few pointers?" 

"Oh, sure. Now that you've blown me out of the water, why not," she teased. 

"Your main problem is you release either too early or too late. I'll show you." Steve walked up to the throw line and waved her over. "You tend to let go here," he demonstrated with his arm behind his hip, "or here," he put his arm far out in front. Then he showed her the proper position. 

Taking the ball, she mimicked him but still wasn't quite getting it. So, he stood behind her and helped guide her toss. Lightly resting his left hand on her left hip, he slid his right hand down her throwing arm to gently hold the wrist still. There was a hitch in her breath. He guided her arm, showing her exactly when to let go. He softened his voice in her ear and asked, "Think you got it?" She could only nod dumbly as he released her. 

By some miracle, the first two rolls in the tenth frame stayed in their lane. However, she only managed to knock down a total of four pins on the right. The last throw was another gutter ball and as she passed Cap while taking his turn, she coyly told him, "Guess I'll need more lessons." 

He smiled sheepishly then bowled. Even if he had tanked the final frame, the game still would have been an annihilation. She whined, "I'm not even looking at the scoreboard." 

"How 'bout we grab something to eat, then? I'm starving. There's a really good diner around the corner." 

After walking out of the building, Steve stopped and slapped at his pockets. "Hold on, I think I might have left my wallet on the counter." He ran back in, then out within minutes. 

The diner was less than a five-minute walk, during which he continued to joke. "When you told me you were no good, that was an understatement. I don't think I could bowl that badly if I tried." 

With a laugh, she warned, "Keep it up, wise guy. Just remember, karma is a bitch." 

When the pair were seated at a booth, she was thrilled about the menu. "Oh my god, I love breakfast for dinner." 

"You’re a bit of an odd bird. You know that, Y/N?" He smiled directly at her. "Knock yourself out." 

He ordered two bacon cheeseburgers with fries and a strawberry milkshake. She ordered scrambled eggs, bacon and hash browns with a decaf coffee. During the meal, he asked typical date questions: "Where did you grow up?", "Where did you go to school?", et cetera. Telling him she would ask the same questions, except she had naturally been on the Internet, Y/N instead asked silly things about the other Avengers. He didn’t seem to mind a bit. 

When he took her home, it was still rather early. She invited him up for a drink. "Sure, I'd like that, but I thought you didn't drink," Cap answered. 

"Oh, I drink. Just not beer." They went up and he was happy to take a beer that she kept on hand for guests. After joining him on the couch, he saw the bourbon in her glass and shook his head with a smirk. Y/N really was quite different from other gals he’d met. All of a sudden, in that quiet moment, he felt shy. 

"Is something wrong?" she asked. 

"No. It's just...I'm sorry, I really don't have much experience dating." 

"I see." She assumed he meant that his encounters were all wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am. "Relax. This is a judgement-free zone and we already agreed no sex tonight. No pressure." 

Looking wide-eyed, a light-bulb suddenly went off in his head. "Oh! That's why you said 'no fondue'. You thought...Damn, those rumors again. They're out of control." 

"Those are just rumors?" When he nodded, she was mortified. "Oh my god, Steve, I am so sorry. I can't apologize enough." Seeing his questioning expression, she continued, "I want you to know I never spread any of those myself. Not that I'd have anything to spread, but I've been putting you off because of that gossip. I feel just awful. Wow, how did all that start?" 

He turned away, blushing only willing to explain once Y/N reassured him once again there would be no judgement. "Years ago, there was a holiday party at S.H.I.E.L.D. To make a long story short, I saw one of the secretaries wander into an office looking very upset. No one else seemed to notice. I followed her and found her crying. She told me her boyfriend had just sent her a breakup text and she was devastated. I offered her comfort, and the next thing I know she's all over me. It had been so long since I'd even kissed a girl. I was weak. Before I knew it, things went a little too far and when I tried to stop, she insisted it would be cruel of me to leave her...leave her..." 

"Unsatisfied?" 

He put his face in his hands. "Yeah. I felt guilty and we...finished. There was never any..." 

"Penetration?" 

His face was still hidden and he nodded. "God, this is so embarrassing." 

She placed a hand on his back and told him, "Steve, that's really not so bad at all. Everyone has moments of weakness. You're may be full of Super Serum but you're still human." To help ease him out of the uncomfortable memory she asked, "So how did all the crazy talk start?" 

Finally able to face her again, he answered, "Maria found out the girl had been talking and fired her. But it was too late. After that, it seemed every time I came in, there was another employee claiming to have been with me. It became sort of a competition. By the time I learned about it, few people believed me. Fury kept trying to put a stop to it, but it was like a dam broke. The best I could do was ignore it. After S.H.I.E.L.D. fell apart I thought it was all over but it seems to have followed me." 

"I'll certainly set the Tower staff straight." 

"No! Please don't do that. It'll be bad enough if Tony gets wind of it, but him hearing the real story would be even worse." 

"Well, if anyone asks me, I'll be sure to let them know you've been a perfect gentleman. God, I'm glad you cleared that up for me. I've certainly learned a lesson. Would you like another beer?" 

"Yes, please." 

When she returned, she sat a little closer to him. His baby blue eyes were mesmerizing. He took a drink and she tried to figure out how, exactly, he made it look so sexy. Putting the bottle on the coffee table, he noticed her staring. Leaning in, he tentatively kissed her. As she reciprocated, she placed a hand on his chest. Feeling the marble-like firmness she pulled back. "Wow." 

He said, "Sorry. I'm a bit of a freak." 

"You can't be serious? Steve, you're like a gorgeous Greek god. You're one-of-a-kind, but not a freak." 

He kissed her again, a little more confidently but still taking it slowly, not even trying to slip in any tongue. She returned the kiss trying to encourage more, but he pulled away. 

"I think it's time I call it a night." 

"Are you sure? It's not very late." 

Looking a little spooked, he said, "No. I should go," and he got up to leave. 

As he was putting on his jacket, she told him what a great time she’d had. He said, "Me too. You're a lot of fun and a really nice gal," and took her hand, giving it a squeeze. But that was it. 

Y/N shut the door behind him, feeling confused and wondering if the date had gone well after all. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Reader's second date heats up.

The day's weather was overcast. One of those grey ones where it looks like the sun wants to come out but doesn't. The temperature was mild; not quite warm, but not cool either. It was the perfect complement to Y/N’s mood. All morning, she kept running through the events of the previous night. _It was just kissing; which he initiated._ Perhaps he couldn't overcome the embarrassment of his confession. Convinced she had somehow scared him off, she was surprised that afternoon when Steve walked into the office. 

Early that morning, on his usual run around the complex, Steve also replayed their conversation in his head. Somehow, Y/N had made him feel safe, comfortable enough to share details that few others knew. True to her word, she hadn’t judged him. In fact, she was very understanding which made her even more attractive in his eyes. Then when they kissed, he lost himself in the feel of her lips. There was none of the typical self-doubt, _Is_ _she liking this? Should I try something different?_ She responded immediately, igniting deep emotions he hadn’t felt since crashing into the ice. Worried that he was going to scare her by moving too fast, he decided to cut and run. There was a good chance he’d blown it completely. It took him half the day to work up the courage to find out. 

As always, the other staff members were thrilled when an Avenger walked in. Everyone felt the need to stop what they were doing and offer a greeting as he passed by. Y/N detected a hint of uncertainty on his face, but as he approached, his shoulders squared, readying himself. 

From the other side of her desk, knowing that everyone was watching, he said in a lowered voice, "I'm going out of town for a couple days, but I was wondering if you'd like to go out again when I get back. Friday night?" One-handedly he rubbed at the back of his neck, revealing his nervousness, then another of his genuine smiles was offered. 

Both actions needlessly melted her heart. 

“Just a minute,” she said, waving him aside of the desk. Addressing the room, she shouted, “Y’all can bet back to work now.” There was some snickering, but her outburst had been effective. Returning her attention to Steve, Y/N answered, “I’d love to, but honestly, I’m not a fan of Friday night crowds. And I’m sure you’ll be ready to unwind, too. When was the last time you had a good old-fashioned home cooked meal?” 

"1943." 

Unsure whether or not he was joking, she laughed, causing his smile to broaden. "How about I cook, nothing fancy, and we'll watch a movie at my place? Does seven work?" 

"That should be fine," he answered eagerly. 

She wrote her phone number down on a sticky note and handed it to him. "That's my cell if something should come up." 

"Great! It's a date." Grinning, he walked off. She couldn’t remember the last time anyone reacted to her in such a way. College probably. Sometimes Steve Rogers acted very much like an awkward teenager. 

* * *

He was a few minutes early just like the last time, wielding more flowers. Dressed casually but a little nicer, he wore jeans with a tucked-in collared, blue, button-down shirt that Nat insisted showed off his eyes. After their greetings, he told Y/N smelling the delicious aroma reminded him of his mom’s cooking. 

"I'm going to take that as a compliment, but that's not really a great image to bring up on a date," she quipped. 

With a smirk, he put up both hands which had started sweating. "No more talk about parents tonight. Got it." 

The small amount of counter space in the kitchen was a mess and the stove top was covered with simmering pots. A bit frazzled, Y/N pulled the pot roast out of the oven and plated it along with mashed potatoes, gravy and peas. The simple recipes that she had dug up online had been easy enough to follow but required more effort than she had anticipated. 

Not quite sure what to do with himself as she buzzed around, he asked, “Can I help with anything?” 

“You could open that bottle of wine.” She nodded in its direction on the counter and told him where to find glasses. “I’ll be right back, after I freshen up.” 

“I hope you’re not planning on changing on my account.” 

“Well, these are my work clothes, so...” 

“You look great.” She still looked unsure, so he handed her a glass of wine. “I mean it.” 

A 1940’s Spotify playlist ran in the background as they both dug in. It dawned on her that the plans to create a nostalgic atmosphere might instead backfire. Steve had a look on his face she couldn’t quite read. She asked, “Is it too much? I thought some familiarity would make you feel more comfortable, but maybe I made some stupid assumptions. I’m sorry. How about I change the music?” 

"No. It was thoughtful. Thank you. And dinner is great. Really. I haven't had a meal like this since..." 

"1943?" 

A laugh from him put her mind at ease. "To tell you the truth, food is much better nowadays." 

To kick off conversation, she asked where he had gone on his trip; if it was for business or pleasure. At first, hesitant to reply, he shared, “I have a friend in D.C. who’s helping me track down another friend. We thought there was a lead, but it didn’t pan out.” 

She continued with questions about the nation’s capital, a place she’d always wanted to visit. The exchange grew effortlessly between them from there. 

After eating and polishing off the bottle of wine, he cleared and did the dishes while she tried to get her counter back under control. As they finished up, “Again”, sung by Doris Day, began playing recalling a memory that caused Y/N to gush, “Oh, this one reminds me of...” before stopping short. 

"What does it remind you of?" After shaking her head, Cap said, "Come on. Sounds like it's something nice." 

Wincing she answered, "My grandparents," then covered her mouth and shut her eyes. "I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." 

He chuckled. "I'm used to it. It's alright. That's actually very sweet." 

"It was their song. They would drive us crazy, putting on the record, dancing and singing to it. But now that they're gone, of course I miss it." 

After drying his hands, he turned and put them up; an invitation to dance. Based solely on what she had seen in film, Y/N tentatively got into position protesting she’d never danced properly before. Steve made a minor adjustment, placing her left hand on his right shoulder. It took every ounce of her willpower to not stroke the massive muscle beneath her hand. Strong as he was, there was a tempting softness and warmth within. Her fingertips registered a quickening heartbeat, spiking her own. His right arm then wrapped around to put a hand to her lower back, instantly sending a shiver up her spine. 

"Hope I don't step on your toes," she said while swaying to the music which seemed suddenly muted somehow. There were too many other distractions such as the comforting heat coming off her partner, and the tempting, rosy lips that spoke to her. 

"I think they can take it. I'm not much of a dancer myself. Just follow my lead." She felt him pressing her closer and when the song ended, didn’t immediately let go. They stood still, staring into each other's eyes. 

"This is the part where you're supposed to kiss the girl," she ventured, breathlessly. 

Lowering his head, he put both hands to either side of her jaw and gently placed his lips against hers. She wanted to let him make all the moves, but the kiss was painfully slow. Barely parting her lips, she let her tongue taste his lower lip and she couldn’t help but suck on it slightly. Thankfully, he got the hint and started experimenting with his tongue as well. 

As the kissing became more heated, she breathed in the smell of him. It was obvious he didn’t use cologne or scented aftershave. He just smelled clean. Almost like freshly washed sheets and man. He was all man and the scent was intoxicating. 

Although restraining himself, his hands were becoming bolder, caressing her arms, back, sides. Deciding to take a chance and send a signal, Y/N travelled her hands down his back onto his buttocks and lightly pressed his hips into hers. He pulled his mouth away to take a breath but luckily did not resist otherwise. Then he began kissing her neck and her mind went reeling. She wanted to ravage him, but didn't want to chance him running again. She whispered into his ear, “Do you want to take this to the other room?” There was only one other in the small apartment. 

Putting his forehead against hers, Steve answered, "I want to. Very much. Yes. But..." He stumbled over the words trying to collect his thoughts. 

"You're wondering if I want to go to bed with you or The Captain?" Taking his silence as affirmation, she added, "Listen, Cap is awesome, but I want to be with you, Steve Rogers. The guy I have a good time with, makes me laugh and makes me feel good about myself. The guy who is driving me wild right now." 

"It's not just that.” He hesitated again. “I've never really...slept with anyone before." Color rose in his cheek, but his body was tense with desire and still clutching on. 

"Is this a moral decision?" 

"Partly. It's more than just physical for me." 

"Me too. I only do monogamy. I haven't had many relationships myself." The answer was meant to encourage without, hopefully, sounding desperate. But she was admittedly starting to have trouble controlling the hunger that had flared. 

He answered by kissing her more urgently. Suddenly, like an old movie, he lifted her in his arms and carried her to the bedroom. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Reader spend more time together, and he goofs up.

The next morning, as sunlight started slipping through the curtains, Y/N woke to the sweet sensation of her lover’s soft breath against her neck. His beefy bicep made a great pillow from which she did not want to budge. Both lay naked in the spooned position. She found herself yet again drinking in the smell of him. It was sweet and a little bit musky but pleasing. When had she ever been so enamored with someone’s scent before? The arm draped around her waist reassured her that the love-making was, indeed, more than just physical. While she thought, _Could_ _this actually go somewhere?_ He started slowly rousing too, shifting the covers and realizing where he was. 

Eyes slowly blinking open, he greeted her with a broad grin. “Good morning, beautiful.” That was all it took to reignite her passion, easily coaxing him towards more carnal pursuits. 

Afterwards, once she heard him get in the shower, she crawled off the mattress and tested out her shaky legs with a satisfied grin. Confirming their stability, she threw on panties and a bathrobe and headed to the kitchen to make coffee. While fixing herself a cup, he came through, hair still damp, unshaven, wearing his jeans and white tank, barefoot. The gorgeous picture was going to be burned into her brain forever. 

Pouring him a cup, he put an arm around her waist and kissed the top of her head. Handing it over and smiling, she said, “Help yourself to whatever you want. I’m going to shower.” A cold one, she thought. A familiar warm feeling warned her to hurry off before she did anything further to make the man think she was insatiable. 

Left to his own devices, Steve briefly considered what to do with himself. Deciding to take a small chance, he finished dressing then began raiding her cabinets and fridge. 

She made him feel so at ease, he had finally been able to let go of a major inhibition. It had been a very long time since a woman considered his emotional needs. There had been times when he questioned if he would ever again find that kind of connection with somebody. Already, he was feeling that something special with Y/N. Hopefully, she was feeling it too. 

Ready for the day, Y/N felt more like her normal, rational self. When she returned to him, he was in front of her stove cooking. She wore jeans, a casual top and minimal makeup since it was the weekend, but he was staring as if star struck. A happy glow filled her belly considering the small but important ways Steve made her feel good about herself. There was no denying she was already falling for him. 

"I used the last of your eggs and bread. Hope that's ok." 

"Yeah, sure." The pan was heaping with scrambled eggs. There had been eight in the carton. She took a small share and he piled the rest on his plate as well as the four slices of toast. 

"Is this how you normally eat?" 

"Only after an intense workout," he said, winking. 

Over breakfast, she casually asked what his plans were. When he mentioned the necessary evil of apartment hunting, and she said that was a task she actually enjoyed, he asked her to join him before even thinking twice. At first, he was worried that would be sending some kind of signal he wasn’t ready to put out there, but he couldn’t exactly determine what could be misconstrued. Instinctively, she tried to give him an out, not wanting to get in his way, but he saw the interest in her eyes and insisted the company would be welcome. He went even further, upping the ante by insisting on replenishing her food stores. 

They hadn’t planned to spend the entire day together, but as it progressed, neither wanted to part. There was a lot to be learned if you paid attention to what a person’s priorities were when searching for a place to live. Steve was obviously very frugal. He just wanted an affordable, quiet place to call his own. Extra amenities or modern upgrades didn’t impress him in the least. And while original architectural features and lovely views appealed to his inner artist, he wasn’t about to pay extra for them. 

Though Y/N’s feet felt like they would give out, she had enjoyed every minute. Even when he grumbled on and on like an old man that everything in Brooklyn was ridiculously expensive. Steve had held her hand pretty much everywhere. She dared hope there might be some budding feelings on his side, too. 

At the end of it all, he walked her home but stopped short in front of the building. "I'm going to have to say goodnight now." 

Putting on an air of indignancy, she asked, “You mean to tell me Captain America isn’t going to come up and help me put these groceries away?” More than just wanting him in bed again, she really did like being with him. In fact, a cuddle in front of the TV would have been absolute heaven. 

"Normally I would, but I have an early start tomorrow. I promised Stark I'd golf with him. If I come up, we both know what will happen." 

"Fair enough. I'll miss you, though.” She pouted slightly, taking the two shopping bags from him. 

He pulled her away from the curb, over to a shadowed recess, held her and gave Y/N a long, luxurious kiss that was painful for her to break away from. "Can I ask you a question?" 

"Of course." 

"How come you don't call me Cap? Most people do at some point." 

"Because this here. This is Steve. I don’t see a need for Cap to be involved in this." 

He kissed her again, grinned, then said, "I need you to go, sweetheart, before I change my mind." 

* * *

In the office early Monday morning, people couldn’t help but notice that Y/N was uncharacteristically chipper. Everyone in Administration started crowding around trying to pry out Friday's date details. Her euphoria was quickly fading. While getting coffee, the boss walked in. The vultures scattered. "Good morning, Tony. Can I get you a cup?" she asked. 

"Good morning, Y/N. No thanks, I've already had, like, three cups. Three that I can remember anyway. I came to talk to you about Cap." 

"Oh?" She didn’t want to accidentally give anything away just in case it had to do with expenses. There was an unwritten code among the staff to keep gossip away from the billionaire, so she didn’t think any of the staff outed her. Having been out in public all day Saturday, it was certainly possible he saw the couple himself. 

"He told me two are seeing each other. Actually, he asked my permission." 

"What?" 

"I mean, he asked if I had some kind of office policy against it. Which I don't. That would be kinda hypocritical, don't you think? And he doesn't work for me anyway. So, I give you both my blessing." He made the sign of the cross. "I think it's great. But don't tell him I said that or you'll ruin all my fun." 

"Thanks?" She felt completely awkward and needed the conversation to be over. 

Before leaving, Tony said, "Maybe you can get the old man to loosen up a bit. He's wound tighter than that analog watch he wears." On the way out, he passed Cap who was walking in, pat him on the shoulder and winked. 

Steve asked, "What was that about?" as he approached, not especially liking the furrowed brows pointed in his direction. 

"We need to talk." She was a little pissed and heading into the hallway, he followed. There was an empty office a few doors down into which she escorted him and shut the door. Crossing her arms, she said, "Tony just informed me that you told him we're together." 

Steve nodded and gave her that sad puppy-dog look again. 

"Don't you think you should have cleared it with me first? We just started going out." 

"I know, but considering everything that happened... and I thought you wanted to see me again." 

"Of course, I do, but this is my job. I should have a say in what we disclose and when." 

"You're right, but he was being a pain in the ass about me finding somebody, anybody. You know how he can get. And I thought it would be better if I said something now rather than him finding out on his own later." 

"I see your point. But I still kind of want to be mad." 

He took her hands and batted those long lashes at her. "I'm sorry." 

"Damn you, Steve Rogers," she said, kissing him, finding euphoria once again. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader has questions and learns Steve has some baggage.

Over the next few weeks, Y/N and Cap became a quasi-normal couple. One of the challenges of being in a relationship with an Avenger was he didn’t stay in one place very long. Of all the days officially together, they really only had a handful of actual dates. Steve travelled down to D.C. frequently trying to track down that lost friend of his. And, unfortunately, he hadn’t gotten the hang of texting more than a few words nor was he much of a phone talker. 

The telephone was one of many things his mom had given up after his dad died. They didn’t have much to begin with and it was an unnecessary luxury. If there was an emergency, luckily rare, there was always a willing neighbor’s available. Steve simply saw the cell phones as tools to be used only when needed. The trouble was not with grasping the updated technology, as his friends teased, but with learning to communicate effectively with it. He just never got the hang of it. 

Sharing feelings was also something Steve was not accustomed to. While he was beginning to feel safe enough to do so with Y/N, this was just not an activity he regularly engaged in. Especially with the other gender. She was learning that some questions had to be asked in the right manner if she wanted answers. 

On his return visits, Steve would be tense and distracted. Since he wouldn't provide details about the trips, Y/N had no idea what caused his stress and could only do her best to sympathize. Thankfully, these moods didn’t last long as hanging out in her apartment seemed to have become a haven of relaxation for him. Her few misgivings would be swiftly quelled because he was very attentive to her needs. He was happy to listen to her vent about work or friends, gave fantastic shoulder massages and always lent a hand with chores. 

It also didn’t hurt that he had learned to perform better in the bedroom (and on the couch, the floor, in the shower, against a wall...) driving her crazy every time he was around. Typically, more than once. He was just as considerate a lover as boyfriend, always making sure she was well taken care of. Purposefully or not, Steve easily distracted her. 

The novelty of sex was somewhat unexpected to him. Certainly, he knew it would be pleasurable. He just never realized how very much he’d like it. How he craved it. At first, he worried about being too eager about the whole thing, but Y/N seemed to enjoy his earnestness and said as much. Even after the newness waned, his libido didn’t. They assumed the Serum played a role, but he suspected it had more to do with the growing feelings he wasn’t quite ready to give voice to. 

Their uncertainties all came to a head one night after an uncommonly brief romp in the bedroom. Holding and petting her afterwards as usual didn’t do much to alleviate the qualms that had been creeping into Y/N’s mind. To top it off, Steve told her he was leaving town again that weekend. 

Hoping to avoid defensiveness, with as much calm and nonchalance as it was possible to muster, she replied, "You're traveling more and more often. I'll be honest. I'm starting to wonder if there's someone else?" 

Taking a deep breath, next letting it out heavily, he said, "Not in the way you think, but there is." Steve divulged the visits to Peggy Carter in the nursing home. Perhaps it was easier for him to talk when not directly face-to-face, as Y/N was nuzzled into the huge cleft of his chest. He surprisingly opened up about the relationship that blossomed during World War II. 

"It sounds like you have very deep feelings for her." 

"I do." Sighing again, he went on. "I was in love and we never even got to have one dance together. Now we never will. And seeing her bedridden with the Alzheimer's when she had been so full of life and purpose. They tell me she doesn’t have long. It's really hard." 

"I'm so sorry, Steve. I'm glad you shared this with me, but I wish you had told me sooner. My imagination was starting to run riot. Please don't feel you have to go through this alone." 

"It's such an unusual situation. I wasn’t sure what you’d think, and I was trying to keep all that separate from us." 

"You need to understand whatever affects you, affects me too. That's where I am now. If I was going through something, you'd want to know about it, wouldn't you?" 

He kissed the top of her head and said, "Yes, definitely. There's something else you should know then." Although, she was unnerved at the admission, she didn’t say a word. Continuing, he told her the friend he had been looking for was Bucky Barnes. 

A moment was needed for her to recall where she’d heard that name before. "The Winter Soldier, Bucky Barnes?" 

"He's not what people are saying, some mindless assassin. He was brainwashed. We grew up together. He's the best friend I've ever had and he needs me. I have to find him before HYDRA gets their hands on him again. Sam Wilson, a veteran I met in D.C., is helping with the search." 

She peeled away from his embrace, putting on a t-shirt and boy-shorts. He was a little taken aback because they both always slept together in the nude. “Is something wrong?” he asked. 

"Well, not 'wrong' exactly, but not right either. HYDRA? The world’s most notorious assassin? These are kind of big deals you've been holding back. Why you would keep all this from me?" 

Steve sat up, pulling the sheet to cover his lower half. "This is why I didn't say anything before. I didn't think you'd understand." 

"I understand why you need to do these things. What I don't understand is why you would hide them." 

"I wasn't hiding them, exactly. I just didn't think you needed to...need to..." 

"Need to know? Am I not on the need-to-know duty roster, Cap?" Y/N hissed. 

"Now that's not fair." His level-headed calm added fuel to her fire. 

"Not fair? Not fair is withholding big, important chunks of your life from your girlfriend. Or am I not even that? Maybe I read things wrong and I'm just a convenient lay!" She walked into the bathroom, slamming the door due to the angry tears that had erupted. 

Hearing all this threw her for a loop. Y/N had thought, hoped, Steve was seeing the relationship going somewhere. Her confidence was shaken. While he hadn’t lied at all, the realization that he was keeping her at arm's length hurt. 

Not entirely sure what, exactly, she found fault with, he did understand she was hurt by his actions. That he definitely couldn’t abide by, and he wasn’t going to get anywhere without her trust. 

"Y/N!" After a minute of silence, she heard him knock on the bathroom door and open it tentatively. He had put on his boxer briefs and went to put his arms around her. Seeing the tears, he said, “C’mon. There’s no need for that.” Wiping at her cheeks with his thumbs and looking into her eyes, he continued, "I'm sorry. Okay? This is all still new to me. You know you mean way more to me than just that. Right?" 

Still sniveling, she nodded and replied, "It's hard to remember sometimes when I don't get to see you all that often. And I thought we had something really good between us. I thought you were vested in this, in us. Like wanting to see how far we could take this." 

"I do, sweetheart. I hear you. I'll try to do better, be more open." Bending down to her eye level, he gave her a smile that demanded to be returned. "There's my sweet girl," he said then gave her a loving, drawn-out kiss making the last of anger disappear. 

With arms wrapped around his neck, placing her forehead against his, she told him, "Looks like we just had our first fight." 

One corner of his mouth hitched up in a sly smile and he asked, "Does that mean we get to make up now?" 

"Damn you, Steve Rogers." She led him back into the bedroom. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trouble finds the Reader. Steve has trouble letting go of work.

Y/N had a hard time getting used to the unwanted attention that went with dating a superhero. Even though there was no more wild office gossip, her co-workers often bombarded her with silly or inappropriate questions, and Tony loved to tease the couple with off-color jokes. On top of this, without any other interesting Avenger news to report at the time, pictures of the two started popping up in the press. Along with that came speculation as well. Neither were interested in becoming celebrities, so they tried to ignore all of the distractions, but it effected decisions on when and where to go out. Y/N began avoiding social media hoping that Cap’s fans would get bored as the content dried up. 

It wasn’t unbearable and Steve was used to it, but Y/N occasionally worried her privacy might be in jeopardy. Luckily, being in New York, there were still plenty of other celebrities available to give the media more of the fodder they sought. 

The attention did cause misfortune of another kind. Ever since the Battle of New York, groupies consistently gathered around Avengers Tower. It was so bad, Tony had to add a security gate and guards. Regardless, one day leaving work, a fan disguised as a bike messenger somehow got past security and pointed a gun at Y/N while she was heading towards the gate. Thankfully, a guard and a few ex-S.H.I.E.L.D. co-workers reacted quickly. Unfortunately, not before the fan yelled, “Leave Cap alone, you whore!” and fired before being contained. Y/N was hit in the gut, falling to the ground. 

The next thing she knew was waking up in a hospital. Someone jumped from a chair positioned next to the bed, ran out of the room and yelled, “Nurse!” The patient groaned, trying unsuccessfully to sit up, and saw Steve rush over to the bedside. 

"You know there's a button for that?" she barely managed to croak out. 

He squeezed her hand as a nurse came in and told him, "You need to leave us for a few minutes so I can examine her. Why don't you go get some coffee and come back in fifteen minutes, honey?" 

"Yes, ma'am," he answered then kissed Y/N’s forehead. "Don't go anywhere," he winked before walking out the door. 

"He's really into you, lucky girl," the nurse said. 

"I'm pretty into him, too," she whispered. 

As she started checking your vitals and making notes, she asked, "Have you been together long?" 

"A few weeks." 

"Huh. I would've guessed longer the way he hovered over you. He's been camped out here every day since you were admitted. We had to force him to leave after visiting hours every day, and doesn't look like he's been sleeping much. And I tell you, I’ve never seen so many nurses competing for extra shifts," she snorted. 

"How long have I been here?" 

"Five days. After your first surgery, there were complications requiring a second. We were growing concerned that you weren't waking as soon as expected. So, welcome back. You look pretty good so far. Of course, we'll have the doctor come in and do a thorough exam. Are you in any pain?" 

"Only when I try to sit up. Other than that, I'm just really sore and tired." 

"We've been pumping a pretty nice cocktail into you. Let me know if anything changes. We can adjust it as needed." 

As the nurse left, Steve came back in and took Y/N’s hand again. "Oh my god, it's Captain America," she said wide-eyed. 

The doctor had never mentioned possible brain trauma. The reaction threw him for a loop. With great concern he responded, "We've been together for a while now. Don't you remember?" 

She giggled at the little prank, but then winced from pain. "Shit." 

"That's not funny," he laughed and kissed her carefully. 

There was a ridiculous number of flowers, balloons and a few stuffed animals in the room, she noticed. "Did you clean out the florist's?" 

"I didn't do all that," Steve admitted. "The roses are from me, but everything else is from your boss and the staff. Oh, and Tony sent word to your brother, but he's on a mission apparently. I didn't know he's military." 

"Marine," she mumbled. 

"Is there anyone else you want us to contact?" 

After shaking her head, she asked, "I assume they've locked up that poor girl?" 

"Poor girl? The one who shot you? Yes. Hopefully, she'll get what she deserves." 

"She deserves help. She's sick." 

"She and who knows how many of the other groupies. Tony posted a security guard outside your room." 

"That seems excessive." 

"We're worried about your safety, Y/N. He's also offering you a room at the Tower after you're released." 

"Tell him 'Thanks, but no thanks." 

"He's got some experience with this kind of thing, Y/N. So, I think we should follow his advice." 

"That's not a 'we' thing. It's my decision and I'm not going to live my life in fear, Steve." 

"No one's asking you to. It's just a few extra precautions." 

"Isssnot happenin'," she slurred, nodding off. 

* * *

True to her word, she did not move into Stark’s building. Steve still managed to hover over her like a mother hen to the point it got irritating. She had to keep reminding herself how lucky she was to have someone in her life that was so caring. Honestly, who could complain about having a boyfriend who will cook for you, do the dishes and anything else asked of him? It took a couple more weeks, but recovery went as expected and it wasn’t long before she got back to work. Steve escorted her to-and-from every day to keep her off the subway. That kind of got on her nerves, too, but she grinned and bore it for the time. 

The day came when she heard from a co-worker to expect the other Avengers rolling in. When she had a chance to ask Steve about it, he explained only that a HYDRA research facility was discovered and the team was going to take care of it. This would be the first mission he would be going on since they became a couple. Being used to him traveling for personal reasons, was much different than him going on a dangerous op. He wouldn’t be able to contact her before it was over, and she was already worried. It didn’t help that there was very little he would tell her. 

He would have liked to let her know all about it, but their protocol demanded secrecy. This was one rule he actually agreed with. The last thing any of them needed was to put any of their loved ones in harm’s way. As their past had shown, simply being associated with a team member was risky enough. 

"What exactly does 'take care of it' mean?" she wondered. 

"Y/N, you know. We'll do what needs to be done." That was all he was going to say on the matter. 

The few days apart turned out to offer her a bit of a relief. As much as he hated it, there was no choice but for her to get back to a normal commute. The short break gave her the breathing room she needed. By the time he returned, Y/N was itching to see him, only to be told the team was getting checked over by Medical and then would debrief most of the day. After hours and hours of pining, Steve was later finally able to visit her at home. 

While thrilled to see him, she fussed over a couple bruises on his face that were already mostly healed. The doting attention was unappreciated and he asked her to stop. His entire demeanor was noticeably different. He was not very talkative and provided stilted responses that were of few words. All he wanted to do was sit in front of the television and zone out. 

"Have to say, I'm not loving seeing you like this." 

"That's the job, Y/N. You know the risks." 

"It's not just the injuries. This isn't the happy, easy-going boyfriend I'm used to. Your mind is obviously elsewhere." 

"The extra adrenaline takes a while to fully leave my system. I'm sorry. Maybe I should go." 

Deciding she would have to get used to it, she asked him to stay. But the evening continued to be somewhat of a struggle, nevertheless, and the both eventually decided it was best to call it a night after all. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve takes Reader to Tony's Avengers post-victory party. There's a huge revelation. The Avengers are attacked.

The next afternoon, Steve, back to his old self, picked her up and drove her to the Tower before the party Tony was throwing in honor of the Avengers’ victory. She was going to see his room for the first time and anxious with wonder about his private space. While he swapped out the t-shirt for a royal blue button-down and the jeans for navy blue chinos, Y/N took careful inventory. It was spartan. She couldn’t help but notice an art pad with a sheet of paper peeking from underneath it on top of the dresser. Otherwise, the place was military neat. 

"Curiosity killed the cat," he teased. 

"Sorry, it just caught my eye since it's the only personal item out." There were no photos or knickknacks visible. This worried her a bit. _Because he doesn't consider this home or because he keeps everything hidden?_

Placing her fingers on the pad, she told him, "I heard you went to art school." The tone of interest was obvious. 

"Feel free." 

Each page was a pencil drawing of different landscapes. A few recognizable as Washington D.C. and New York City. They looked fairly recent, not from his pre-frozen era. "You are really talented." Turning to the last page revealed a partially completed portrait. A woman lying in bed, on her left side, her back to the artist with a sheet covering the waist down. The sketch was tasteful but sensual at the same time. "Is that?" 

"Yes, it's you." 

"Wow. That's really...I don't know what to say." She turned to replace the pad so he wouldn’t see her getting misty-eyed. No one had ever done anything like that before. As she set it down, Y/N got a good look at the loose sheet of paper. It was the bowling scoresheet. 

"Where'd this come from?" 

"I pretended to forget my wallet because I wanted to go back and get it at the last minute." 

"Why? You kicked my butt, but that's no great feat." 

"I thought it would be a nice souvenir of our first date." 

"That is incredibly sweet. Most guys don't do things like that." 

"I bet more do than they admit; especially when they're falling in love." 

The wind was knocked out of her. Truly not knowing what to say, literally speechless, she stood mouth agape. But her eyes betrayed everything to Steve. He took her in his arms, brushed some hair away from her face and said, "When I almost lost you, I realized just how important you are to me. I love you, Y/N." 

Thinking, _Maybe_ _that bullet was a blessing in disguise_ , she told him, "Oh my god, Steve, I love you too." After kissing him, she pushed him away to run off into the bathroom. 

"Did I do something wrong?" 

She fixed the makeup that was in jeopardy from tears. "No fair springing this on me when we're expected in five minutes. I don't want to spend the entire party listening to the boss make inuendoes about why we were late." 

"I'll take it back if you want." 

"The damage is done, soldier. You're stuck with me now." 

On the way into the party, he was happy to hold onto her hand or waist lightly, though he still shied away from more demonstrative public displays of affection. That was partly thanks to his fellow Avengers giving him grief. He still hadn't learned not to react when they teased. Therefore, they were relentless. 

At some point, they drifted away from each other, pulled into different conversations. But not much later, Y/N heard her name called and saw Steve waving her over. He was standing next to a handsome, black man that he introduced as the friend from D.C., Sam Wilson. Within moments, an extremely large figure loomed from behind. When she turned around, she was staring at a chest unbelievably broader than Cap’s and realized it must belong to the one and only God of Thunder. 

After Steve’s introduction, Thor looked at her with intense blue eyes, smiled and said, "So you are the lovely young lady who has all of Rogers' attention?" in his deep, husky voice. 

She had heard he was, but seeing the legend was, in fact, truly larger than Cap was overwhelming. And though he hadn’t done much of anything, Thor oozed an innate sensuality. “I guess so,” she giggled, feeling a bit foolish. Seeing her response, Steve felt compelled to wrap his arm around her possessively. 

Looking at Cap, Thor barely lowered his voice and inquired, "You're having sex, I hope." 

While Y/N covered her mouth, twittering like a little girl, Sam howled and gave a go-ahead-and-answer look. Steve’s brows furrowed and he blushed hotly, grumbling, “Thor, that’s not an appropriate question.” He looked around, glad to see no one else seemed to have overheard. 

"I meant no disrespect. I'm only concerned for your well-being." Leaning in and whispering, he added, "Stark said there was a danger of something bursting? I didn't know human males were at such risk." 

Sam walks away clutching his belly from laughing so hard. "Shit. I need another goddamned drink." 

Flustered, Steve answered, "Well, don't you worry. I'm just fine, thank you." In order to deflect the awkward conversation, he asked, "And how have you been doing?" 

"Oh, I have sex frequently. No danger here. In any case, Asgardians are not prone to such a condition." Thor answered in a normal, conversational tone. Y/N couldn't help but laugh out loud. 

Frustrated, Steve explained, "It's not a...Tony was...oh, never mind. I was inquiring about Jane. About the relationship in general. And for the love of Pete, please don't share any explicit details." 

"I don't know a Pete. But Jane, well, I'm not sure how to answer. It's..." 

"Complicated?" Y/N offered. 

"Yes. That is the perfect word. Thank you." 

"I'm sorry to hear that," Cap said. 

Thor pat his shoulder, smiling before leaving. "Not to worry, my friend. Everything always seems to work out for me." 

As the evening wore on, Y/N realized she'd had a little too much to drink and was suddenly feeling tired. Steve escorted her back to his room so she could lay down. Sitting on the bed, he asked, "You sure you're alright? I can ask one of the medical staff to check you out." 

“Steve, I’m fine. I just overdid it a little.” He began to get up, but she grabbed his shirt. "Hey, we've got unfinished business, mister." 

"I thought you needed rest." 

"I'm not that tired. Besides, I'm only concerned for your well-being." 

"Please don't bring up that guy's image in my head right now." He crawled onto the bed next to her. "The doctor gave you the all clear?" 

"Yes. Do you need a signed note? Steve, you've got to stop treating me like I'm gonna break." 

"Oh, that's exactly how I'm gonna treat you," he purred. He spent the next half-hour driving her mad with the gentlest of touches and strokes all over her body until, eventually, they both completely gave into their lust for one another. Once they both started coming back to Earth, she started sobbing and he panicked that Y/N had been hurt. 

"I'm okay, babe. God that felt so incredible! I'm just being emotional. I love you so much." 

"Jesus, you scared me. I hope I didn't give you any bruises." 

"I don't care one bit," she gasped. 

"You're an odd bird, Y/N," he snickered, "but I love you." He laid down and held her until she soon fell asleep before he went back down to the party. 

Y/N was startled awake by distant sounds of shots fired, breaking glass and other crashing noises. Jumping out of bed, quickly throwing on her clothes and grabbing her cell phone, she asked, “Jarvis?” There was no response. She cautiously went to open the door, peered out and saw no one. The disturbance sounded like it must have come from the party room. _Could another crazy fan have snuck their way into the Tower?_

With a pounding heart, creeping barefooted towards the elevator proved a waste of time; it wasn’t working. The power wasn’t out. It must have been locked down. The idea of heading towards the scene flit through her mind, but she admitted she’d probably be more of a hindrance than help. Y/N decided to descend the emergency stairwell as quietly as possible. The noises stopped but, being in an enclosed space, she had no idea if that was a good or bad sign. She used a moment to take a few slow, deep breaths to try to calm the pounding in her chest. After sending Steve a text asking him to check in when possible, she continued down to Security praying that he and the others hadn’t been hurt. 

Oscar, one of the guards, was in the doorway of the surveillance room, jumped and drew his gun when she stepped into the corridor. She froze momentarily and thanked God he wasn’t trigger happy. "Whoa, Y/N. What are you doing down here?" he asked, re-holstering the weapon. Resuming her approach, she saw one more guard inside watching the monitors. The sounds of the Avengers’ voices were coming through the speakers, but were hard to make out as they all spoke at once. 

Trying to peek a glimpse at the screens, she answered, "I was asleep in the guest quarters when I heard the commotion." 

"Are there any others on that floor?" 

"Not that I'm aware of. What's going on?" 

"Good thing you weren't at the after-party. It looks like some of Mr. Stark's Legionnaires were attacking. One of them was saying the craziest shit. Something about bringing world peace, but then it tried to kill the Avengers. The other guards on duty went to go address the situation. But it looks like it's over now and everyone's okay. See?" He gave her a look at the monitors. 

Tony and the guards were confirming that everyone was well outside of some minor injuries. The boss told the group he would check on the staff and left the room. Y/N then watched Steve quickly rush out and realized he was probably going to check on her. She thanked the guys quickly and told them she was heading back up before Cap freaked out. He had been paranoid enough recently. 

"The elevators are back online now," the seated guard informed her. 

As she exited the elevator on the guest quarters’ floor, she caught Steve running out of his room. "Where were you? Are you okay?" He looked worried but his voice sounded a bit accusatory. 

"I'm fine. I went down to Security to see what was happening, but it was all over by the time I got down there." 

"You could've put yourself in danger, Y/N." He admonished her. 

"How was I to know that? Jarvis was offline. How could I have known I would have been any safer cornered in here?" Conceding the point, Steve's shoulders relaxed only a little. "What the hell happened, anyway?" 

"I don't know much, yet. One of Tony's creations, called Ultron, is in control of the others. This thing said it wants to exterminate us; the Avengers. We destroyed it, but the program somehow escaped through the Internet, and one of the Legionnaires made off with something Stark and Banner were studying." 

"What were they studying and why would this thing want it?" 

Shaking his head, he answered, "I'm not entirely sure. Right now, I need to get back to the team and help figure out exactly what’s going on." 

Although she felt he was holding something back, she was preoccupied with touching his face in order to look for cuts and bruises. Amazingly, there were none. The gesture only seemed to upset Steve further and he grabbed her hand still. “I’m fine,” he griped. "I need you to wait here and don't leave until I get back." 

She didn’t take kindly to being given a command. _This is Cap-mode_ , she realized. Given his anxious state, she didn’t press any further. And while actually not too unhappy that he walked away, Y/N noticed he didn’t even kiss her before parting. Steve hadn’t even asked how she was feeling. He had simply barked out a directive and left. Although Captain America was obviously a part of Steve, she felt he needed to have limits in the relationship. But it was not the time to have that conversation. 

She decided to defy orders and stop by the kitchen for some hot cocoa with a shot of Kahlua to help settle the nerves. There, she chatted for a few minutes with the staff who were still cleaning up. Tony had come and gone, so they had already heard the story. She compared notes, but they didn’t know any more than she did. On her way back to bed, it hit her hard that there was a lot more to the Avenger lifestyle than meets-the-eye. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve has trouble shaking off the terrors of Sokovia. The Avengers are moving and Reader has a decision to make.

Cap was gone for a few days with the other Avengers to take down Ultron and the robot army. Returned from a second battle in Sokovia, there was tension between the couple. Steve was more amped and distracted than ever and having trouble leaving Captain America at the door. While the mood slowly improved over a couple days, the lingering was concerning. This was obviously more than just hormones settling down. She felt as if behaving like his old self was an effort and unsure whether he was avoiding or protecting her from something. In either case, the issue needed to be faced. 

As usual, he went to her apartment. Giving him a beer, she sat with him and said, "Steve, what is going on? Since you've been back, your mood has been worse than ever. I'm starting to wonder if you even want to be here." 

The big, baby blue eyes looked sorrowful. "Sweetheart, of course I want to be with you. Honestly, it's not one thing. Nothing new. It's just everything, I guess." 

"Well, I feel like there is too much of Cap going on and not enough of Steve. What is it?" 

Turning his head away, he answered, "You've seen the news. Sokovia was rough. I mean, you know, we learned a few things in New York, and we did better. Much better. But innocent people still got hurt and we're getting a lot of heat." He paused and sighed. "The search for Bucky has stalled, and now I've upset you again, too. It seems I can't do anything right lately." 

"Babe, that's not true. I was upset because you're upset and trying to hide it behind that shield." 

"I know. I'm sorry. Being with you, it's the only break I get. I try to forget for just a little while, but I'm having trouble doing that this time." 

He looked so down, YN couldn’t help but reach over and kiss the sweet, frowning mouth. "I want to do that for you. But I feel like it would help if you let me know even a little of what you're dealing with." 

"Y/N, this is a lifetime habit. It's going to take some time." 

His dejected mood was heart-wrenching, but she recognized it was probably a side of him very few people had ever seen. "Fair enough. I'll try to remember you're always being so strong in so many ways for everyone else. But you need to remember that's what I'm here for. I want to do that for you. Be the one with whom you can let your guard down." 

Cap nodded, looked into her eyes and said, "You're the best, Y/N. That's why I love you." 

Giving Steve a hug, she told him she loved him too, and knew exactly what he needed. Then she took his hand and led him off the couch. Heading towards the bedroom he said, "Y/N, I'm actually not in the mood right now." 

"It's not what you think. I'm just going to give you a massage." 

He took off his shirt and pants then got comfortable face-down on the bed. _Will I ever get used the sight of that?_ She wondered, then took a straddled seat on his behind and began by slowly rubbing his back. The stress was visibly leaving his body as the hard muscles softened. Of course, she couldn’t help but hope once he relaxed, he would feel more amorous. There was something beyond Steve’s looks that sparked her libido whenever he was near. Sadly, when she was reflecting on this and started to kneed his trapezius muscles at the base of the neck, he fell into a deep sleep. 

In the middle of the night, she woke with a jolt, this time by Steve fidgeting and muttering in his sleep. “God, not again. I don’t want this. No other way.” Whispering his name had no effect, so she shoved against him with effort and called his name loudly. Finally, he woke, breathing heavily. As reality sunk in, his breathing normalized. He rubbed his face vigorously. “Sorry, sweetheart.” 

"Were you having a nightmare?" 

With a sigh, he says, "Yes. Every once in a while, I dream about going back into the ice." 

She snuggled in close and intertwined the fingers of one hand in his. "How often do you have these?" 

"I haven't had one in almost a year, I think. It seems to happen when I'm stressed out, usually surrounding a mission. I didn't scare you, did I?" 

"No. Do they get bad?" 

"Sometimes I kind of startle awake and am sweaty all over. But that's about it." 

"I'm sorry, sweetie. Have you ever talked to anyone about these dreams, like a professional?" 

"Yeah, when S.H.I.E.L.D. was giving me regular medical evals, it included psych. The consensus was an ongoing struggle between my extraordinary sense of duty and my personal needs. Boy, I'm a barrel of laughs, lately, aren't I?" 

"Steve, everyone goes through rough patches. You may be super-human but that doesn't mean perfect. Honestly, I wouldn't want to be around somebody who was." 

He said, sincerely, "I think you're perfect." 

"You are terribly sweet, but I am by no means. Okay, remember a few weeks back when you pointed out I kept snapping at you, sometimes for no reason?" 

"Sure. You explained you get moody right before your time of the month. But you can't control that." 

"Yes and no. Once you pointed it out, I paid closer attention and tried to think twice before reacting. What you're going through isn't quite the same, but it's not all that much different. Stress is stress. And isn't that the whole point of committing to a relationship? To work through things together, as a team. At least I think so." 

"A team. Yeah, I see what you're saying. I like that." His voice sounded brighter. His mood lifted. 

She looked at him, smirking and said, "But you don't get to lead this team. I'm top brass around here." 

"Ma'am, yes ma'am. Captain Rogers reporting for duty." 

"I'm sorry Rogers, but you haven't earned that rank yet. On this team you're still a lowly Private. You still have to make it out of Basic Training." 

"My apologies, ma'am. I am at your command." 

"Oh, I like the sound of that. I think first, you need to pass your physical." 

"Yes ma'am," he purred in her ear. 

* * *

Tony met with the entire staff to announce he decided to turn a group of old warehouses in upstate New York into the new Avengers Facility and would be moving his entire base of operations there. In addition to everything in the Tower being moved, the new space included full-time living quarters for the Avengers and guests. The building would be used for training new members in addition to maintaining all current technical and scientific research. No positions were going to be eliminated. All current staff were offered the option to transfer with relocation packages as well as an incentive bonus to stay on. Y/N seriously deliberated the opportunity since Steve was her only other tie to Manhattan. 

Over dinner, she asked him if he would be moving north. He confirmed having given up on the idea of living in Brooklyn and planned to reside in the Facility to train the recruits among his other duties. That decided it for her. 

"Looks like I'll be leaving the city, then," she told him. In typical Steve fashion, he was happy and relieved to hear her news, especially because he had been afraid to say anything earlier. 

"How long have you known about this?" she asked, a little peeved. 

"Tony started talking about the idea when we were coming home from Sokovia." 

Although this, admittedly wasn't very long ago, she was irritated that he, once again, withheld information that could affect the relationship. "Why didn't you tell me?" 

"Because I didn't want to influence your decision." 

"Steve, I just don't get you sometimes. I love you. Of course you influence my decisions." 

"I couldn't be the only reason you went, Y/N. But now that you will be going, why not make things easy and move in with me?" 

Given his lifestyle, she never gave serious consideration to living together. She looked at him, momentarily shocked, before saying, "Wow. This is rather sudden. Have you been giving this some thought, or are you just thinking out loud right now?" 

"Yeah, it just came to me now. But why not? We're practically living together as it is." 

"I'm thrilled you asked, and believe me, I love the idea. But we need to think this through, weigh all the pros and cons. I mean, that's a really big step." 

"What do see as a con to living with me?" he asked with concern. 

"Absolutely nothing. What I don't like is the idea of jumping into sharing space with the other Avengers I don't even know. I have no idea what I'd be signing up for. Plus, I don't like the idea of living where I work." 

"That's what I'm doing," Steve argued. 

"Your job and relationship with Tony is a hell of a lot different than mine. He's not your boss and mine is friendly enough with me as it is. I don't need my co-workers thinking I get special treatment. And I'm not sure if I'm ready to take Tony in larger doses. What if he doesn't want me there, like for security reasons or something? It would be better for you to move in with me away from the Facility." 

"The main reason I'm choosing to live there is to be available at a moment's notice." 

"Why do you need to be on-call all of a sudden?" 

"The new S.H.I.E.L.D. will have a few folks there. The sudden rise in number of Enhanced and alien activity is a huge concern. Plus, there's still some ex-HYDRA floating around. Avenging is going to require a lot more of my attention for a while, I'm afraid." 

Sighing, she replied, "Sorry, babe. As much as I'd like to, it doesn't sound like we're ready for this. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting to feel at home.

That Saturday, Steve returned the favor of helping with an apartment hunt. Before touring potentials, he took her to check out the warehouse’s location. Isolated, it had its own road, just off the highway, surrounded by forest. Unlike living in Manhattan, the choices of nearby developments were much more limited and obviously public transportation wouldn’t be an option. 

After hours of driving to apartments and various neighborhoods, she found a place she absolutely fell in love with. It was a relatively spacious two-bedroom with lovely view of parkland in the distance. The only downside was being about twelve miles from work and boyfriend. She would need to buy a car. However, with Tony’s relo package, that wouldn’t be a problem. The upside was it was close to a town with more of the city conveniences she was used to. 

When it was time for the big move, everything went like clockwork thanks to Tony’s resources and Pepper’s meticulous organizational skills. Cap took a day trip down to D.C. to get the last of his things and help Sam who was also moving up. The rest of the first week at the Facility, Cap was so busy she saw him only during a couple lunch breaks when some of the Avengers ate in the main cafeteria. 

She missed having him all to herself, but enjoyed getting to know the others better. Sam seemed to always be just as relaxed and jovial as when they met at the party. Natasha was serious, never cracked a full smile and intimidating at first. Luckily, it didn’t take long for her dry sense of humor to reveal itself, and she told Y/N to call her Nat. That was something Steve insisted she only allowed friends. Vision was thought provoking and fascinating. Y/N had a hard time remembering he was A.I., especially since she only saw the human appearance he adopted. Wanda was quiet and comparatively shy unless she was directly addressed. 

Steve finally settled into a manageable routine by the end of the week and invited Y/N to see his new room. That was the wrong word for it. It was a suite complete with a small living area in addition to bed and full bathroom. He took her on a tour of the rest of the Avengers’ living quarters, including the kitchen/dining area. There was a huge soft cooler on the counter. He surprised her with a picnic as well as a gift of a helmet in her favorite color. 

"This is fantastic, Steve. Thank you. I love it. What's the occasion?" 

"The occasion is I finally have a break and the first thing I want to do is get my sweet girl to myself." 

It turned out to be a good thing she was wearing jeans, because he wanted to take the bike. She didn’t have a jacket, though, so he ran and borrowed one from Nat. The two of them head down to the garage and he strapped the cooler onto the back then put on his helmet. She followed suit. He got on first, with her climbing behind, naturally wrapping her arms around him. After giving one of her knees a pat, he started up the engine and rolled out. 

He took her riding through the side roads to a small park only about fifteen minutes from the Facility. There wasn’t a lake or any other outstanding feature other than a short hiking trail, but the view of the mountains was outstanding. It was very quiet and no one else was around. Unpacking the cooler in a shady spot surrounded by lush trees, there was a folded-up blanket for sitting on and classic picnic food: fried chicken, coleslaw, potato chips, two beers for him and hard lemonade for her. During the meal, they compared notes about their moves. He apologized for not having been available to help her. She told him not to worry as Tony’s movers handled everything smoothly. Spending a few hours relaxing outdoors with no interruptions was exactly what they both needed. 

After eating and cleaning up, Steve laid back on the blanket, looking at her and smiling. It had been a while since she had seen him so at ease. Y/N, of course, lay next to him, propping her chin on crossed hands which rested on his chest. He pushed the hair away from her face, behind her ears and continued to grin like the loveable goof he could be. 

"You really shouldn't spoil me like this. I could get used to it," she told him. 

"I hope so. I feel like this might be home now." 

She wasn’t sure what to make of that since the Facility was definitely no her idea of a place to settle down. But he hadn’t had such a happy look on his face in weeks, so she decided to leave it alone and crawled up closer to kiss him. The pair spent at least five full minutes making out in that position. Eventually, wanting more, her hand started to wander downward until he stopped her. 

"Y/N, not here." 

"Why not?" 

"The last thing I want is for someone to come by and find us in an uncompromising position, especially with everyone carrying cameras these days." 

"There is no one around," she pouted. 

"No way. I'm not taking a chance that embarrassing photos or video of my girl could go viral," he said, pulling away to stand. "We'll head back and I promise to make it worth your while." An offer like that was impossible to refuse. She quickly helped pack up everything. 

Between already being turned on and having to straddle the humming bike, all while holding on to Cap’s muscular body was torture. Half the time she was fighting the desire to let her hands wander. The only thing stopping her was imagining he would get so distracted there would be an accident. The other half was spent fighting a fantasy of pulling over and doing it on the bike. 

Then, after they parked and entered the building, he stopped back in the kitchen to empty, wipe down and store the cooler. Walking down the hall, she peeled off Natasha’s jacket which he stopped to return and she thanked her for, chatting so as not to seem rude. During the brief conversation, Y/N got a glance of his face that said he knew exactly what he was doing. The second they crossed the threshold to his room, she was kicking off her shoes. 

Closing the door behind her and leaning against it, she said breathlessly, "Jesus, Steve, are you trying to kill me?" already pulling off her jeans. 

He had taken his jacket off and took his time hanging it up as well as putting the helmets in the closet. "What are you talking about, Y/N?" He tried to sound innocent, but had got a shit-eating grin on his face. "No one has ever died from delayed gratification. F.R.I.D.A.Y., activate sound-proofing and privacy mode." 

"What's privacy mode?" 

"It means F.R.I.D.A.Y. isn't listening in the background. I'll have to manually reinstate it later." 

Sliding off her panties, she asked, "Are you gonna come over here and take care of me, or do I have to do it myself?" The desperation was slightly embarrassingly evident in her face and voice. By then she was aching with desire and cared only about relief. 

Walking over, he said, "Alright. I don't want my sweet girl feeling neglected." He pressed his body into hers and placed his right palm against her where she needed most, locking eyes. With mouth falling open to catch more air, she emitted a slight gasp. His fingers travel underneath and he said, "Christ, I didn't realize you were that far gone. Sorry, sweetheart." He leisurely took care of her, eliciting loud moans as he nibbled at her lower lip. Knowing exactly where her magic spot was, he went straight for it. Her knees buckled, wrapping her arms around his neck and trying to hold on for dear life, he barely had to move to make her lose it completely. 

As she started shaking and contracting, he continued to manipulate her, whispering, "That's it, baby." Those words uttered in his deep, sexy voice pushed her over further until she clutched at his hair while he kissed her neck just below the earlobe. She cried out while riding out the waves of the world-rocking orgasm. 

Even as she descended from her high, he continued on, making her hot all over again. It's wasn't long before she begged for him to fuck her. 

"I thought you'd never ask." He picked her up and carried her into the bedroom then basically tossed her on the bed. While he hurried to remove his clothes, she finish taking off the rest of hers. Leaning over to kiss her harshly, Steve then grabbed her hips and flipped her over onto all fours near the edge of the bed. In no need of foreplay, he immediately started pushing at a quick pace. Leaning into him and taking a breath between each thrust, she managed to grunt, "Are you close, baby?" 

He could barely utter, "Soon." 

He shook so hard, her own tremors began bringing on another blessed release. Both quivered for a full minute before collapsing side-by-side on the bed, dewy with perspiration. 

Once she was able to speak, she told him, "You weren't kidding about making it worth my while." 

"We aim to please, ma'am." 

"Mission accomplished, soldier," she giggled. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More secrets revealed. Steve loses Peggy.

It didn’t take much time to settle into a new pattern between work and home. The lack of noise and congestion did take some getting used to. The spaciousness of the apartment was a bit daunting at first, too. Briefly, Y/N considered finding a roommate, but then decided to wait hoping Steve might reconsider later on. 

The place began to feel homier when she made new friends in the development to hang out with during those times her favorite Avenger wasn't around. Life at the compound continued to be busier for Steve, but he enjoyed it. He spent a good amount of time with the new team, even organizing dinners and game nights to help the recruits bond. Before long, she joined them occasionally and even began spending the odd Friday or Saturday night at Steve's when Tony's wasn’t there. Visiting their living quarters was like a stay at a five-star hotel. Just about anything she could want was available for the asking. 

As the months rolled by at an easy pace, the relationship maintained its natural course. In addition to appearing together regularly at parties and establishing routines, they each started stocking essentials at the other's apartment. Necessities like toothbrushes and razors, but then also a few items of clothing, just in case. 

Before long, Cap was set to go on another mission. The night before the team was set to leave, he stopped by Y/N’s wanting to talk. 

"I was getting my gear together and, well, there's something I need to show you." He reached into a pocket, pulled out an object and held his palm open. Inside was a small, round, metal item. It looked old, worn. 

"Is this from the war?" she asked, taking it and turning it about gingerly. 

"Yes. It went with me into the ice and now it's a good-luck charm. I take it on every op." He tried to hide his nervousness by sliding his hands into his pants pockets. 

The talisman opened to reveal a compass on one side and a faded black-and-white-photo of a woman on the other. "Is that Peggy?" Y/N scanned his face looking for clues into his mindset. He nodded. "She certainly was lovely." 

"Seems I have a thing for strong, beautiful gals." 

She closed the compass and handed it back. "Full disclosure: my first reaction is jealousy, but I guess that's silly at this point. Why show it to me?" 

Convinced the conversation might not be as unpleasant as initially feared, he sat next to her. "Because this is really important to me. Whenever we head into something deadly, I look at it just like right before I went down. It reminds me to have faith that I'll come out okay. But that's all it is anymore. I didn't want you to come across it by accident and get the wrong idea." 

"I'm glad you explained. I don't love the idea of you using another woman's picture for this, but I can live with it. If this is what you need to give you confidence to make it through a tough mission, I can understand that. Hell, if you told me you had to kiss Nat before every fight, I'd say go for it." 

"She did kiss me once, before we were dating." 

"What?" She squealed with delight, eyes wide with curiosity. 

"We were evading Hydra in a shopping mall, trapped on a crowded escalator and just as the guy was passing, she kissed me so he'd ignore us. Now she teases me constantly so you'd better know that, too." 

"And you fell for that?" 

"For what? It worked." 

Y/N giggled. "I don't mean to laugh at you, but that's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard of. Did you two kiss all the way out of the mall?" 

"Of course not." 

"It doesn't make sense, Steve. You could've easily just turned your back on him on the escalator, for heaven's sake. No wonder she teases you." 

"There wasn’t much time to think at the time. Damn that Romanoff." 

"Any other skeletons in your closet?" He shook his head. "No close-calls with Thor?" 

"Gross. No!" 

"That's somewhat disappointing. Listen, I still have a couple things from past boyfriends. This isn't all that different." 

"Y/N, you're the best. I sure do love you." He pulled her close and asked, "Like what things, exactly?" 

* * *

They had yet to return, but there were news reports of tragic deaths in Nigeria blamed on the Avengers errors. Y/N worried terribly after sending numerous unanswered texts until, on his way home, she receive clipped responses like, "We're OK", "Love you", and "Debriefing". 

When he finally called, he explained the team's morale was extremely low and he thought it would be better for everyone, including Y/N, to focus on them for a while. However, their mood does not improve over the following weeks. The media had already been fueling the public's growing unease over Enhanced humans and questioning the new S.H.I.E.L.D.'s effectiveness. The recent tragedy was manna for fear-mongers who bashed the Avengers unrelentingly. Steve couldn’t shake off the gloom that constantly surrounded him no matter what Y/N tried. She was left with no choice but to be patient and ride it out. 

Unfortunately, he was often in no mood to even leave the compound. She tried hanging out there a bit after work a few times, and while the team was welcoming, the negative vibe was just too depressing. So, she felt it best to give them all some space even if it meant seeing less of him. 

During that time, most of their interaction was over the phone. He was still thoughtful enough to ask about her day, though even without seeing him she could tell his mind was elsewhere. When she asked about his, the answers mostly involved the other Avengers. After each conversation, a flurry of thoughts ran through her mind such as: _How bad is it that he can't drag himself out to see me? I don't think he's doing as well as he's pretending; If, for some reason, it came down to me or the Avengers which would it be?_ The relationship was feeling the strain, and she constantly asked friends for advice. Yet, the consensus was all Y/N could do was be there for support. 

Out of the blue, one morning at work, the staff was told to prepare for a U.S. Government VIP visit. This involved following a set of procedures to maintain confidentiality of the work performed at the Facility. For the Admin staff, it mostly meant keeping files and monitors out of guests’ wandering sight lines. That afternoon, everyone saw Secretary of State, Thaddeus Ross, walk through the hallway along with security detail. 

The staff began to speculate about the reason for his presence. Some wondered if Tony is working on a secret project for the government. Others worried there was another alien threat. Of course, a few asked Y/N if Cap mentioned anything, which he hadn’t. 

About an hour after the visitors left, Y/N got a call from Steve. Assuming he would talk about Ross, she was shocked to hear, "Peggy’s gone; in her sleep." He sounded remote, detached. 

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry, babe. What can I do for you?" 

"Any chance you can get off early? I need you." 

"No problem. Give me ten minutes." 

There was no answer to her knock when she made it up to his room. She tried again and added, "Steve, it's me." Three seconds later, he let her in. 

Immediately looking at his face, Y/N saw the tell-tale red and swollen eyes. As soon as she reached out for a hug, Steve tightly wrapped himself around her, burying his face in her shoulder and sobbing. It scared her a little, but at the same time was somewhat reassuring that he was, in fact, human. He struggled to regain control, but some of his weight began to shift onto her, making it difficult to remain upright. "Babe, we're gonna have to move this to the couch. I'm in a losing battle here." 

He gave a tiny laugh and pulled himself up, wiping at his face. When they were both seated, she waited for him to speak first. 

"I knew it would be soon. I didn't think it would be this hard, though." While he concentrated on breathing normally, he leaned over to rest his elbows on his knees, staring at the floor. 

Y/N rubbed his back and replied, "No one's ever prepared. I felt the same way when my dad died from cancer. It always sucks." 

"It's times like these that make me wish they'd left me in the ice." 

That stung. She didn’t respond and took a deep breath reminding herself how difficult loss is. 

Steve heard her intake of air and sensed the tension. He sat up, took her hand and looked at her. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean...I don't know what I'm saying." 

"It's okay. I think I understand what you meant. Believe me, I know. It's a lot to process. Don't feel like you have to say anything." 

He remained quiet for a while as she held him and stroked the back of his head. Then he gently pushed away and said. "If this isn't enough, Thaddeus Ross informed us the U.N. wants to create a panel to oversee the Avengers." Again, Y/N simply sat until he continued, "They drafted a document called The Sokovia Accords that puts controls on Enhanced and the people that work with them. The Avengers will no longer be allowed to operate privately. It will be ratified in three days, and if we don't sign, they will consider it official retirement. Believe it or not, Stark wants to sign." 

Noticing the tension in his jaw, she asked, "I take it you don't?" 

"No! It shackles us and will only cause more problems." 

Putting her hands up, she said, "I'm not the enemy here. I'm just trying to catch up." 

Leaning back against the couch, he briefly covered his eyes with his hands. "Damn it. I'm sorry, Y/N. I'm having the worst day." 

"I can see that. Why don't you come home with me? Maybe the physical distance will help you at least forget about these Accords for a while. You've got more important things to deal with." 

He nodded, then went to pack an overnight bag. He also grabbed his bike helmet. "Why don't you go on ahead and I'll meet you in about an hour or so? I think a ride might help clear my head some." 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trouble with Peggy.

When Cap arrived at Y/N’s apartment, he immediately dropped his bag then sloughed off his jacket, hanging it in the coat closet and taking her in his arms. He’d been informed Peggy’s funeral would be in London and asked Y/N to join him. Agreeing and noticing his improved mood, she asked, “How was the ride?” while making her way to the sofa. 

"It was good. I think I've got my emotions under control, for now at least." Wrapping his arm around her shoulders, he took her hand, intertwining their fingers. 

"Don't forget to be patient with yourself. Every experience is different." 

"I remember going through it with my parents. It _was_ different. When my dad died, I was worried about helping my mom, and when she went, I had to worry about taking care of myself.” 

"Is there anything else I can do for you?" 

"Is it wrong that I want you right now?" 

"It's actually very normal. I'm always here for you." 

Kissing him felt different. There was no rush, but Y/N sensed an underlying hunger that needed to be sated. Wanting to do anything to soothe the man’s pain, she determined to give him total control that night. 

Moving into the bedroom and laying down, she watched him leisurely remove each item of clothing. By then, Steve understood how his body affected her and was confident enough to take advantage of it. He helped her out of her sweats and t-shirt. After getting rid of the bra and panties, he then spent a lot of time stroking and kissing her lovingly, making her feel cherished. But the feeling that he was struggling to control himself nagged at her. When Steve saw she was about to speak, he asked, “No words. Okay?” 

She nodded her acceptance. 

His kisses trailed slowly down her jaw, neck, clavicle, breastbone, abdomen. Traveling onto her hips, inner thighs and between the legs was a welcome surprise to her. He had never done that before. His reward of her soft mewling and hip flexions urged him on. 

Bending her knees, wrapping his arms around the thighs and spreading them wide, he carefully explored. As he experimented, gauging her reactions, Y/N concentrated on breathing deeply, knowing release was eminent. Steve made the most delicious sounds of pleasure. Peeking down, she spied his hips writhing against the covers. The familiar, welcome tension built in her belly. 

Suddenly, he pulled away causing Y/N to whine at the interruption. Unexpectedly, he swiftly pushed up over her and slammed himself inside bringing on her ecstasy once more as he released. His eyes squeezed shut and he uttered, “Peggy.” 

Neither of them could stop, and while her brain hollered _Abort!_ _Abort!_ , the body simply would not listen. It refused to relent, caught between extreme physical pleasure and emotional pain, determined to finish even as a tear fell from the corner of one eye. The dichotomy of feeling so vacant after such a fantastic orgasm was repulsive. It was as if he had stolen something. 

When Y/N regained control, she was frozen. He slipped out, fully aware of what happened. Carefully, Steve looked up at her, pale faced, repentant. At that moment, he felt like the lowliest worm to ever have crawled the Earth. "I know it's not enough, but I'm sorry." 

While she always assumed he still had feelings for his first love, Y/N never imagined they ran so very deep. What happened wasn't only a result of grief. As she lay there silent, trying to make sense of the situation, trying to untangle her thoughts, she could no longer look him in the eye. 

He rolled off her, pulling the sheet over himself as he sat up. Wordlessly, she wiped away the tear, grabbed her clothes and went into the bathroom to clean up. 

"Would you please say something?" he shouted out. "Anything." 

"What do you expect me to say? I don't have experience with something like this. So, please enlighten me." 

"I don't know. Yell at me. Tell me what a jerk I am. Something. Because right now I'm afraid I just destroyed everything." 

"I don't know, Steve. This hurts. This really, really hurts." When she didn’t hear anything after a few moments Y/N asked, "Were you thinking of her the whole time? Did you imagine I was her?" 

"No. Never. I swear. When it happened, it was like something flashed before my eyes right at the end. All of my regrets just hit me all at once." Fully dressed, she stood in the doorway to watch his body language, to see if he was being completely honest. "Almost like my nightmares. I wasn't thinking about her at all. It just happened." 

Arms crossed, leaning against the door jamb, she asked, "Has this happened before?" 

"Not in bed." 

"It's happened other times?" Her arms involuntarily squeeze tighter in a lame attempt at self-protection. 

"Once in a while you did or said something that reminded me of her and it was almost like she was right in front of me. It would only last a second and it happened only a few times." 

With unmistakable anger in her voice Y/N replied, "And you never said anything. Maybe we could have addressed it and now look what happened. When are you going to get it through your stubborn, thick skull that we're supposed to be a team? You told me you've fought with Tony multiple times because he withheld information but you constantly do the same thing to me. You of all people should understand what that feels like." 

"Betrayal." 

"And calling out someone else's name. My god, I don't know if I'm embarrassed, disgusted, jealous, angry...fucking hell!" She sat on the end of the bed with her back to him. 

Steve got dressed and asked, "What can I do? Just name it. I’ll do anything to fix this.” 

Still not looking at him, she calmly said, "I think you need to go." 

“Please don’t make me leave. There’s got to be a way we can work this out.” 

“Steve, I can’t even think straight! I don’t think talking about this right now is a good idea. I don’t want to say something I’ll regret later.” 

As he walked around the bed, he stopped in front of her and said, "I love you, Y/N." He reached out but she flinched away. 

Looking down at the floor, she said, "But you're still in love with her, too. At least your memories of her. I think it's best if you go to the funeral without me, exorcise these ghosts of yours and make sure this is what you really want. I love you too, Steve. Nothing's going to change that, but we can't go forward if you're stuck in the past." 

She bit down on the inside of her cheek to keep from crying, not wanting to chance he would refuse to go. He grabbed his bag on the way out and shut the door behind him. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve finds Bucky, but there's a price.

Having the night to herself did do a lot of good, taking the edge off the hurt, offering the chance to put things into perspective. _Couples have worked through worse_. She hoped without her there as a distraction, the trip to London would help him leave the past behind. At least, maybe it would be a good start. 

At the office the next morning, Y/N gave Steve a call to see how he was doing. "About the same," he answered. "You?" He sounded tired. Like her, he probably didn't get much sleep either. 

"I'm fine. Look, I think I could eventually get past this, but you've got to work through these things that have been haunting you first. Let's talk when you get back. Okay?" 

He said, “Of course,” Before disconnecting he told her he loved her and looked forward to seeing her soon. 

After two mundane days of trying to distract herself from the major bump in their road, he called immediately after the services. Sam and Natasha were in London as well. While Y/N was glad he wasn’t alone through it all, part of her felt guilty about not being there for him. But he said he thought he was starting to get some closure. Y/N told him she was eager for his return so they could talk. 

The next morning, expecting him home the following afternoon, she walked into work and noticed everyone gathered around the televisions mounted in various locations. The news was reporting an attack on the Sokovia Accords hearing in Vienna attributed to James “Bucky” Barnes. There were twelve deaths and numerous injured. Within the hour, she heard from Cap. 

"Hi, sweetheart." He sounded stressed but sad at the same time. "Have you seen the news?" 

"Yes. It's awful. Did Bucky really do this?" 

"I don't know. Y/N, I'm Vienna. I’m going after him." 

"Did you sign the Accords? Are they sending you to bring him in?" 

"No, I didn't sign. I'm doing this on my own. Well, with Sam's help." 

"You realize if you do this, you'll both be considered criminals?" 

Instantly, his commanding voice took over. "There are orders to kill him on sight, Y/N. I have to get to him first." 

“Steve, there are better ways to handle this. Maybe one of your S.H.I.E.L.D. contacts can help; or maybe Tony.” 

“There’s no time for that. In fact, we need to get moving.” 

In the next moment, his voice softened and filled with regret. "Y/N, this kills me, believe me I don’t want to do this, but this is the last you'll hear from me." 

"Steve, what are you saying?" 

"There’s no coming back from this." There was a hitch in his voice. He meant what he said, as unbelievable as it sounded. He was not going back to her. 

"They'll question you and probably even follow you, looking for me. It'll be hard enough as it is. I can't drag you in any further." 

_Giving orders again. His mind is set._ "All this time, I thought you meant it when you said you loved me." 

"You know I meant it and still do, but I don't have a choice." 

"Steve, don't do this. Of course, you have a choice," Y/N cried. The tears streamed uncontrollably down her face. 

"Y/N I need to know you’ll be safe. What I went through before, losing the people I loved most, I can’t go through it again. Not when there’s something I can do to prevent it. It's better, for you, this way. You deserve someone who can give you a proper home, raise kids, grow old with you, the works." 

"When did I ever say I needed any of that? What I need is you." 

"And I can't give you that right now. I'm sorry, sweet girl. I'm heartbroken over this. Please don't make this harder than it is." 

Hearing her pet name incensed Y/N. "No, sir. No way I’m going to make you feel better about this. You're trying to take the easy way out by tearing us apart. Go ahead and tell yourself it's for my own good and that you're doing me a favor. What you're really doing is trying to have one less thing to worry about as you go off to be a hero again. But I'm going to tell you something, Cap. If you really do love me, you're going to find it's not that easy. Someday, you're going to find it's not enough and there are no rewards for martyrs. I sincerely hope it comes sooner than later because you deserve to be happy." 

The line was quiet for a few seconds, then he whispered, "I love you, Y/N." 

As he was ending the call, she said, "Damn you, Steve Rogers." 

* * *

The next few days, Y/N couldn’t forget her ex if she wanted to. He was all over the news again. Cap and Sam had been arrested for obstruction of justice while trying to bring in Bucky. Amazingly, the new King of Wakanda was arrested as well, apparently seeking revenge for his father’s death. 

Not only did she struggle with losing Steve, but then constantly worried about his safety and well-being. Sleep at night didn’t come easy and she walked around in a haze when awake. Work provided no distractions either. 

Stark travelled to Berlin. Then, the next thing the staff hears is news of Iron Man and other Avengers battling among themselves at Leipzig/Halle Airport. While Steve and Bucky evaded authorities, Sam, Wanda and a couple others she hadn’t met were sent to The Raft, a special prison for people with abilities. All Y/N could think was, _This_ _Bu_ _cky Barnes is one shitstorm of trouble._

In this emotional upheaval, the last thing she needed was two S.H.I.E.L.D. agents showing up at her apartment. They, of course, asked if she had any information on where Cap might be. Knowing they already knew, she only told them he was last in Vienna planning to find Bucky, to her knowledge. It’s all she could tell them and it was the truth. Once they were satisfied that Y/N truly didn’t have any helpful information, they left with the reminder that Steve had become a criminal. Any attempt to assist him, even neglecting to report in if he made contact, would make her an accessory. 

Tony returned and the Facility tried to resume normal operations, mainly working on changes in procedure necessitated by The Accords. Determinedly trying, Y/N simply could not focus properly on her duties, making one mistake after another. Eventually, the boss called her into his office. 

After seeing her in and asking her to take a seat on the sofa, he seated himself in the adjacent chair, facing her. His face showed concern rather than anger. This somehow made her more uncomfortable than if he were behind the desk about to scold her. 

"Is it safe to assume you're no longer together?" Tony asked. A huge lump developed in her throat, preventing speech. She nodded. “I’m in kind of an awkward position here as your employer and ex-friend of your ex-boyfriend. I know it's not the same, but his choices affected me and the rest of the team, too. Quite honestly, what he did sucks big time." She looked away, fighting off tears. "I hate to add to your trouble, but your work has been sub-par for a while. Even though I completely understand, we need to do something about it." 

Her eyes betrayed her as the tears began to fall uncontrollably once more. Tony stood, walked over to a cabinet, pulled out a box of tissues and handed it to her. As she took them, pulling a sheet out, he said, “I’d love to offer you a stiff drink, but we're still on company time. Damn, I wish Pepper were here. She is so much better at this stuff." 

"You're doing just fine," she sniveled. 

"Good. Well, I want you to know my door is still open like always. But given our status, I think it'd be better for you to speak with an unbiased party. You're welcome to use the counselors on staff. I can't obligate you to use them or any other service, but I'd hate to lose you." 

Again, she nodded. "I guess I have to try something. Thank you." 

"You can go now if you like. I'll call ahead." He stood, indicating the conversation was over. 

As he saw her out, Y/N asked, "Do you think he'll be okay?" 

“Don’t you worry about that. Cap’ll be just fine.” 

* * *

On her way home that afternoon, she was in better spirits having completed a counseling session. More were obviously needed, but it was heartening just to know there was light at the end of the tunnel. 

As Y/N pulled into her apartment complex, the song she was listening to on the radio was interrupted for a Special Report. There had been a breakout from The Raft orchestrated by Steve Rogers, also known as Captain America. 

The love of her life had become a wanted man on the run. 


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve returns.

_18 months later_

The days were over when going home was difficult due to the memories. For weeks, Y/N slept on the couch, avoiding the bed that seemed too massive for one person. With time and the help of a professional, she was able to pull herself together. Life post-Captain America may not have been quite the same, but she was able to keep her job, keep her apartment and resume a social life. The darkest times were well past. 

Not that there wasn’t more work to do. Dating continued to be problematic. She had tried going out with a couple different guys, set up by friends, barely making it through dinner each time. They tried too hard or she did. It didn’t matter. It just felt forced. Y/N decided to give herself a break and hope for something to happen more organically when the time was right. 

One night, when she got home after happy hour with co-workers, Y/N pulled her phone out of her jacket pocket before hanging it in the closet. Something else fell to the floor. It was a small, folded white napkin. _Did someone slip me a phone number?_ she wondered. 

What she read when unfolding it, made Y/N stagger and stumble over to the nearest chair. “Someday came sooner than expected. S” It looked like Cap’s handwriting. At first, she wondered who would play such a sick joke but the likelihood of that was unrealistic. She sat, dumbfounded for a few minutes trying to figure out exactly where and when he could have been nearby. How could she not have sensed he was there? Y/N decided a good, stiff drink was in order before a panic attack set in. 

She headed to the kitchen. There was a bottle of vodka in the freezer retrieved, a shot poured directly into a mug. Swallowing it down while thinking he must have done it while she was in the bar’s ladies’ room, suddenly there was a knock at the door. Y/N jumped, nearly dropping the mug. Setting it on the counter, she rushed over and peeked through the peephole. On the other side was a tall, bearded, light-skinned man in a baseball cap and sunglasses. 

Thoroughly freaked, she asked, "Can I help you?" the nervousness all too noticeable in her voice. 

"It's okay, Y/N. It's me." In the state of shock, it took a few moments to register Steve's voice. 

After she opened the door, he slipped inside and shut it behind him. First removing the shades, then the hat, running a hand through the longish hair, he darted across the room. Quickly and surreptitiously, he looked through the blinds at the back windows. Y/N was still standing by the door, not believing her eyes. She hadn’t even taken her coat off yet and the note was still gripped tightly in hand like a lifeline. 

Once the survey was complete, Steve turned around. It was not only grooming habits that had altered his appearance. He looked more mature and maybe a little tired. No. Weary. But his bright blue eyes hadn’t changed, nor the way they looked at her. 

She hadn’t moved or made a sound since opening the door. He took an unsure step. 

“What in the actual fuck!” Y/N shouted. 

Making a quieting motion with his hands, Steve said, “Please, don’t shout. We don’t want to alarm anybody.” 

Lowering her voice, she asked, “What in God’s name do you think you’re doing?” 

“Y/N, I needed to see you. I’ve been driving myself crazy. I’ve been driving Sam crazy...” 

“Well, it must’ve worked because you are outta your goddamned mind.” 

“I’m the world’s biggest idiot, but I love you, Y/N.” Twisting the hat in his hands he pleaded, “If you tell me you don’t love me anymore, I’ll walk out of here and never bother you again.” 

Slowly shaking her head with tears starting to fall, her heart beat wildly trying to process what was happening, and comprehend the words coming from his lips. Thoughts spun helter-skelter, careening out of control. She was reduced to a mass of whirling emotions. Y/N knew what she needed to do, what she should do. She just couldn’t do it because it would be a lie. 

She tried to push him away, but the brick wall didn’t budge. The tears erupting became angry, flowing down her face as she beat against his chest. “You left me! You left!” 

Steve grabbed her wrists to still them. Racking sobs shook her entire body. He pulled Y/N into a tight embrace. The mixture of pain, frustration and fatigue left no choice but to give in. Her head, remembering how comforting it was, involuntarily leaned against his chest. Without a word, he simply held her until the worst passed. For a moment, there was nothing but the steady, soothing rhythm of their heartbeats. 

The rest allowed time for the anger to rise again but it grew edged with lust and months of sexual frustration. When Y/N seemed calm, Steve released her. A worried look crossed his face as he tried to decipher her facial expression. It was too late for the conscious thoughts that had been vying for attention. Without warning, she grabbed his jacket lapel and smashed her mouth onto his. As soon as Steve realized what was happening, he wrapped his arms around her again, pressing against her as forcefully as he dared without causing injury. He was surely the only thing keeping Y/N upright because there was no sensation left in her legs, air gone from her lungs. Lips and tongues fought for purchase. Chests heaved, and desire radiated off both bodies until the heat was unbearable. 

Briefly, Steve pulled away to look at her, wanting to make sure he wasn’t being too rough. Making sure that Y/N also want it. She told him, “I still love you, too,” then tugged at his jacket which he shrugged off, kissing her yet again. He helped hers off and she kicked away the high heels, tore off her top, slipped off her skirt. He unclasped his jeans. As he grabbed her bottom and lifted, she instinctively wrapped her legs around him. He pressed her against the nearest wall and she began grinding feverishly. When he pulled down at one of her bra cups to free the breast, she had to stop to catch a breath. The feel of his soft, thick beard brushing against her skin made the room spin. 

Her arms wrapped around his neck with one hand up on the back of his head, legs squeezing his waist, holding on for dear life as hips started pushing in rhythm. Steve took his hand off her breast and pushed her panties aside. Growling, the hand was removed again so that he could lower his pants. 

As soon as he drove into her, Y/N cried out with a mix of emotions. Tears continued to fall at the pleasure her body craved like a drug for so long. Steve tightly gripped her buttocks with a grunt and pounded away. A frantic need for friction took over. It only took a few thrusts for both to reach orgasm. His hips jackhammered her into the wall. 

They both sucked in air, trying to catch their breaths. Looking into his eyes, Y/N whispered, "Damn you, Steve Rogers. I hope you’re happy.” 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N and Steve hash it out.

There was venom in the words. He eased Y/N down to stand on the floor. The ecstasy ebbed away swiftly. As reason returned, the gravity of what she’d done weighed down like an anvil. She felt him trying to read her but avoided his eyes. 

“What does that mean?” he asked. 

No response was offered as she collected herself then walked past him into the bedroom, shutting the door. 

He shouted, “You okay?” 

“Give me a minute!” It came out a little harsher than intended. She cleaned herself up in the bathroom and threw on clean panties, sweats and a t-shirt then sat on the bed trying to gather her thoughts. _What the hell did you just do?_ That is the only thought that came to her mind and it was on a loop. Y/N simply sat there waiting for the shock to wear off. 

Five full minutes later, he knocked on the door. “Y/N, are you alright?” 

“I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry, you need to go.” In the other room, she could hear his heavy footsteps but they were not heading towards the front door. They were the footfalls of a pacing lion. If he was shoring himself up for a fight, then she would too. 

The next thing Y/N heard is, “Can we talk about this? Please don’t shut me out.” 

Storming across the bedroom, she flung open the door to see him standing right in front of the threshold. He quickly pulled to stand erect with arms crossed. Looking up into his face, she spat out, “Me shut you out? You’re the one who cut off all contact, remember?” Y/N tried to get by him, but he refused to budge. 

“I’m here now. You said you love me. So, I’m not leaving until we talk.” 

“What if I call the cops?” 

“I don't think you will.” 

He had successfully called her bluff. “Goddamit!” she shouted and tried to turn away, but he grabbed her wrist and gently, but purposefully, lead her to the sofa. 

“Sit,” he commanded. 

“No. You don’t get to tell me what to do.” 

“Fine. I’ll sit.” He did so, then ran his hand through his hair. “Look, can we start over? We’re not going to get anywhere like this.” 

She then crossed her arms. “Where exactly were you hoping this to go?” 

“I love you. I want to be with you.” 

“And what makes you think I want to be with you after what you did to me?” 

“I didn’t, but Sam pointed out I have a bad habit of making assumptions. Plus, he got so tired of me moping around, he insisted that I need to resolve this one way or another or he’d drop my ass back in the ice. Y/N, you said you still love me.” 

“That doesn’t mean I have to have a relationship with you. That doesn’t give you the right to come here and reopen old wounds. How can I trust you when it was so easy for you to walk away?” 

The words hit their mark. With brows furrowing and jaw tensing, he slammed a fist down on the arm of the couch so hard it resonated. “Easy? I have spent every day thinking about you, questioning myself, imagining what I could have done differently, praying you’re okay. It’s been hell. I did it to for you. Why can’t you see that?” 

“Because it wasn’t your call to make!” 

Folding his arms across his chest, he asked, smugly, “Did anyone question you after the breakout?” 

“Yes, but...” 

“And what did you tell them?” 

“The last I heard you were in Vienna.” 

“Which wasn’t news to them. If I had kept contact with you, what do you think would have happened?” 

“How the hell should I know?” 

“Well, I do know. They’d have kept you under surveillance, tracked every move and conversation, and repeatedly taken you in for questioning. Your only options would have been to give them what they asked for or become an accessory. They probably would have incarcerated you to draw me out.” 

The truth of his words cut her down a few notches. “I would have waited for you.” 

“I had no way of knowing what might happen or how long it would take. I could never ask that of you.” 

“See, there’s the problem. Yes, you could have. I should have been given the choice.” 

“Why in the world would you even want to consider that?” 

“Because I love you! I would have done almost anything for you. It’s like you didn’t even think twice about it. You didn’t even give me a chance. Why?” 

There was a glint of tears welling in his eyes. In a whisper, he said, “Everyone I ever loved was torn away from me one way or another. I thought maybe it would hurt both of us less if I ended it before something happened. But it didn’t. In some ways it was worse. Is there any way you can ever forgive me?” 

“Forgiveness isn’t the problem.” 

After taking a deep breath, then consciously relaxing his shoulders, he announced, “If you want me to go, just say so. I’ll walk out the door and never bother you again, if that’s what you want.” 

Although Y/N knew that would probably be the right thing to tell him, the words simply hovered over the tip of the tongue, tauntingly. They wouldn’t come out. Once she'd seen him, touched him, and a tiny spark of hope had been reignited, she couldn’t just leave it to die. He felt it too. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have continued to stay. 

“No, I don’t want that.” The words were barely audible. She walked over, sat on the couch, surrendering both to him and the feelings that refused to be held in check any longer. 

“What do you want?” he asked softly. He inched closer, fingers reaching for hers. When there was no resistance, he gently took her hand. Y/N stared at it, amazed at how right it still seemed despite everything. 

“I don’t know. It’s not like it was only a week or a month ago. All this time with no contact. We can’t just pick up where we left off.” 

“I know that. Are you willing to at least try?” 

“How’s that going to happen, exactly? Last I heard, you’re still wanted.” 

He nodded. “I’m not sure. What I do know is a lot of the things I used to fight for are gone. The world is so twisted and crazy now. I’m trying to figure out if Cap even fits in anymore. If he even has a future.” Turning his face, the sad-puppy dog eyes stared into hers. “But I do know what we had was good, it was real. There was a future there. That’s something I want again. I need a home.” 

There had never been any indication in the past that he imagined taking the relationship much further. Tears welled in Y/N's eyes and breathing became a struggle. Whenever she had dreamed of him returning, she had never imagined him capable of that kind of emotional honesty. However, the fear was still a very powerful force to contend with. “Do you understand how hard it would be? Rebuilding trust isn’t just about earning it back. It’s also working through all the doubts and fears you instilled in me. It’s not going to happen overnight.” 

He pushed an errant strand of her hair, behind her ear. “You know I’m not afraid of hard work.” 

“This is different, Steve. We’re going to have to air out all our emotional baggage. You always struggled with that.” 

“I was better with you. All I’m asking for is a shot.” 

“Okay. I’m not promising anything, but we can try.” He gently tugged at your hand to pull her closer. Using one hand to stroke his bearded cheek, Y/N pressed herself tighter against him. Then, continuing to hold his gaze, she ran her fingers through his hair. His lips reached out for a slow, tender kiss, softly sucking at her lips. For a while, the kissing, tongues languidly navigating in and around each other’s mouths, was enough until her hands begin searching for the hem of his shirt. 

Stopping the roaming hands and breaking the lip lock, he said, “I think we should call it a night. I can come back tomorrow if you’re free.” 

Admittedly, she thought, it was probably not a good idea to go down that road again at that point. “You’re right. Yes, Tomorrow night’s good.” 

After seeing him to the door, they traded admonitions of love before she locked up. The night had been exhausting. She would have liked to head straight for bed, but knew sleep was going to be a long way off with thoughts spinning as they were. Instead, Y/N headed for the kitchen for a few more drops of vodka. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers reunite.

The pinging alert was Steve’s burner phone. He answered, “Tony?...Bruce?” His face grew tense as he looked in Y/N’s direction, walked over to the television, turned it on. Breaking news reported another alien attack on New York City. In addition, Tony Stark was missing. 

Steve was still listening to his friend. Grabbing her purse, Y/N told him, “I’ve got to get to the office.” 

“Bruce, hold on a second.” Pulling the phone away from his ear, he asked, ”What for?” 

“Tony put protocols in place for something like this. We all thought he was just being paranoid. Pepper will need help.” 

He nodded. “Y/N, Vision is in danger.” Pointing to the tv screen, he explained, “That’s what this is about.” 

“What do they want with him?” 

“A powerful alien, Thanos, wants the Mind Stone. We need to get to it first. Can you see if the team can use the guest quarters for a short while? We’ll bring him to the Facility while we figure out what to do. Bruce was with Tony not too long ago. He’s aware of the situation wherever he may be right now. Maybe you should plan on staying, too? I feel like you’d be safer there.” 

“Yeah, sure. Christ, just be careful.” 

“I always am.” 

* * *

One of the last places she expected to be again was with Steve’s face buried between her legs about to completely fall apart. 

After the first two apprehensive nights together, subsequent ones went remarkably well. She found it funny how quickly they both wanted to fall right back into some of the old patterns. He would have been happy to return to the way things were, whereas Y/N worried that was a recipe for disaster. Steve didn’t resist and was as compliant as he knew how to be. 

She was given the whole story between Steve being arrested and the fight with Tony in Siberia, including the cause of their rift. He went on to share about taking Bucky to Wakanda and how painful it was to watch him return to cryo-freeze. 

Discussing issues surrounding Peggy were still challenging, but not because he hadn’t let her go. He simply didn’t have the language. Opening up about feelings never came naturally, nor had had he been taught that. If anything, he was from an era where the opposite was expected. He explained that Sam, having experience counselling vets, had helped him put the past in the proper perspective. Steve was obviously uncomfortable talking about those things but still made the effort without complaint. He knew that’s what you needed. Y/N gave him credit for it and tried not to push too hard too fast. 

So, when he said he wanted to atone for what they referred to as “the incident”, she reluctantly agreed. Clever boy that he was, made sure that time would be different and just as, if not more, unforgettable than the last. 

As soon as permission was granted, his face changed. There was a determined hardness behind his eyes. The last time Steve looked like that, he was in Cap-mode. At first, it was troubling, but Y/N decided to give it a chance. 

He had never been so domineering before. There were definitely sounds of seams splitting as he pulled and yanked her clothes away. It was surprising how that alone got her worked up. Keeping his stormy eyes locked on hers, he slid off the couch, kneeling before her, roughly pried her legs apart and literally dove in. Her back arched at the onslaught. 

He peeked up, seeing the state she was in and started with the most lascivious noises. Every once in a while, he brushed his beard against her thighs, sending Y/N towards sensory overload. When her hips started grinding in response, he knew he had her right where he wanted. She cried out his name, grabbed his hair and then completely let go around the tongue that continued its mission. 

* * *

Y/N was assisting Pepper when F.R.I.D.A.Y. announced, “The Quinjet has arrived, Ms. Potts.” 

“Thank you, F.R.I.D.A.Y.” Turning, Pepper asked, “Would you be willing to see they have everything they need? If not, please send someone else. I’m not in the mood to face them right now.” With all the uproar, Y/N briefly forgot that Steve’s return was a secret up until now. 

When she reached the hangar and saw him walking towards her wearing an old tac suit, Y/N was taken aback. She had never seen him in gear up close and personal. She braced herself, expecting to be confronted by Captain America. While he certainly seemed on-task, in charge of the team, none of it was directed towards her this time. 

He reached out to take her hand and kissed her cheek eliciting some curious glances from the onlookers. He didn’t seem to mind. ”I didn’t expect to see you until later.” The tone was pleasant, relieved. 

“Pepper’s swamped with phone calls. I’ll get you all settled in your rooms and whatever else you need.” That was when you notice Vision being assisted by Wanda and Sam. “Let’s get him over to the lab first.” After Steve nodded, she asked, “Where’d that ratty old thing come from?” 

He laughed at the reference to the faded, worn suit. “It was dug deep out of S.H.I.E.L.D. storage.” 

The group was escorted to Research & Development where they saw Rhodey in the conference room speaking with Secretary Ross. Cap stepped forward to address him, followed by Nat. Ross called for their immediate arrests, which thankfully, Rhodes wasn’t about to do. Doctor Banner stepped forward from another doorway and greeted everyone. Wanda and Sam took Vision to the lab then the rest continued up to the guest suites. Once Y/N finally showed Steve where they would be staying and added his prints to the recognition lock, almost on cue F.R.I.D.A.Y. stated that Doctor Banner requested his presence. 

* * *

After a rough, long day with Pepper, Y/N went up the stairs of the Facility to find Steve in their room having finally been able to change out of tac gear into a light-blue henley and jeans. “The team ordered in. We’re all going to eat in the kitchen, but I want to talk to you first.” Her stomach dropped. 

“We’ve decided to take Vision to Wakanda. This Thanos is coming for the Stone and they have the best shot of extracting it without destroying him.” He went on to explain the importance of keeping the Stone safe. “With Tony missing and Thor gone, I need to lead the team. What’s left of it anyway.” 

Just the previous week he had claimed he was ready to leave Captain America behind. He felt the mantle was no longer serving him and the rest of the world doesn’t want him around either. The only issue was how to strike a deal without jeopardizing the others. 

She answered, “I understand. You’re our best chance.” The pair headed over to the common area to join the others. The mood was understandably somber. Even Sam struggled to find anything to joke about. Not much food was eaten and Steve suggested everyone call it a night since they would be moving out early the next day. 

Once good-nights had been said and the door was shut, he said, ”I knew this would happen.” 

“You knew there’d be another attack?” Y/N asked. 

“No. That something would pull us apart again. This is unlike anything we’ve ever dealt with before. We have to face it without Tony, Clint or Thor and I can’t stop imagining the worst. I don’t know what I’ll do if anything happens to you.” 

When she took his face in her hands, he pressed his forehead against hers. “Steve, nothing has happened to me. I’m right here and I’ll be here when you get back.” 

He looked at his watch and she gave him a questioning look. He said, “We have about nine hours before I leave. Let’s make good use of that time.” 

* * *

Neither of them was in the mood to eat in the morning, either. Y/N made a protein shake and forced Steve to get some calories in while she barely managed to finish her coffee. He changed into the old tac suit once more. 

“You forgot something,” she said, holding out a closed fist. 

He extended an open palm into the center of which she placed the object. It was his compass. 

Looking at her, Steve shook his head and tried to hand it back. “Y/N, I don’t need this anymore.” 

“Now is not the time to tempt fate. I know it’s silly, but it’ll make me feel better if you have it with you.” 

He slipped it into a pocket then took her hand, walking to the door. After he opened it, she hesitated. Steve turned around to see what was the matter. She told him, “I can’t make that walk to the hangar. I need to pretend this is just another simple mission. No big deal.” 

“Alright.” He took her in his arms for one last, long, drawn-out kiss. “I love you Y/N. Whatever happens, never doubt that.” 

“Damn you, Steve Rogers. I love you, too.” 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this and will check out the second part of the series which picks up at The Snap.
> 
> The idea for this work comes from a mention in Chapter 1 of my other story, Thor: Thunderstruck (Part 1). I hope you'll check it out.


End file.
